Platforming and the Third Dimension

            An idea for an article that’s been kicking around in my head for a while has been to talk about one of my favorite sub-genres of games, 3D platformers, and why they seem to be so horribly dead at the moment. I then considered splitting it into two articles, wherein the first one explains the platforming genre (games where you jump, essentially) in general and how it came to be. However, as soon as I started researching for the article I noticed that the internet already had covered that issue in more ways than I could ever reconcile, and with more authority. I know that original ideas are hard to come by and that it’s perfectly fine to retell old information with a new spin. But if I were to write just about the rise of 2D platformers I would be copying far too much of the article from Wikipedia verbatim for my liking.

Bottom line, we’re fusing the two ideas, with me first doing a brief overview of platformers in general before moving on to the variety with an extra dimension. Some readers more savvy to the history of video games may find some familiar information to begin with, but at the very least I can hope to put an entertaining spin on things to keep you interested. For example, Wikipedia can’t make terrible puns or toilet humor jokes. It’s one of mankind’s last bastions of defense against robot superiority.

More like WEEkipedia! …Y’know, like wee. As in pee. Like piss. The fluid. That is dispelled from your body as waste. …*cough*

E3 2012

            Given that literally all my content on this blog so far has been devoted to games nearly a decade old or older, one could be forgiven for thinking that I am broadcasting to you live from the past, via some manner of blog time capsule. Either that or I live in a cave. Er, a cave surprisingly stocked with video games and consoles from a decade ago. Whatever, you get the idea. However, the fact of the matter is that I do in fact live in the mysterious future-present year of 2012, and frequently interact with these new-fangled jigamawhatsits that are modern consoles.

The problem is that I frequently revisit old games for a number of reasons, and although I’ve also played modern games recently they’ve been fewer in number and, more importantly, harder to write about. You see these games have already gotten tons of coverage recently from people better equipped to speak about them than I, and they’ve also all been really good lately. In my experience I’ve always found bad games or fun but flawed games easier to talk or write about than good ones. Anyway, the point is that I don’t talk about modern games as much as a lot of other people. But now I’m going to, because I want to briefly discuss this year’s E3.

This was clearly the only important part of E3. Alright, we’re done here, go home.

Let’s Play Sphinx #4: Visit Scenic Abydos Sewers

            When last our adventure left off, we were yet again jumping into the hideous jaw of the portal god en route to a mysterious place called Abydos. Our eventual goal at the time is to get from there to Heliopolis, where Monkey Man is waiting for us. So the portal god spits us up like some type of picky lava worm and we find ourselves in a sewer. Pleasant. There isn't anything we can really do down here except walk down the passage to the door, so that’s what happens.

            As we emerge from the sewers we see the waterside city of Abydos. Near the entrance is a lady who grabs our attention to mention that the waters around the city are electrified due to an unusual infestation of electric eels. I understand the need to put walls around your game world, but really…electric eels?

For those unaware, it’s kind of hard to continuously electrify an entire ocean.

Gargoyle’s Quest Review

[NOTE: There will be some lots of strong language within this review. You’ve been warned.]

So a while back I realized I still had some left over money in the 3DS store from a previous purchase, and decided to check what games I could find on its virtual console worth buying. I found a game called Gargoyle’s Quest that, upon research, was apparently a 2D platformer with RPG elements that people had generally good opinions of. Figuring it would at least be worth a few bucks, I downloaded it and got to playing. The plot of the game is your standard, barely substantial game plot about defeating evil and isn’t really worth addressing. You play as Firebrand, a gargoyle who originally appeared in the NES game Ghosts ‘N Goblins.

To some people, the language warning at the start just made a lot more sense…

Let’s Play Sphinx #3: Back in Action

            When we last left off, we were doing absolutely nothing interesting gameplay wise. Thankfully that’s about to change, as right after the Prince is captured by his brother there’s a transition back to Sphinx, who thankfully was released from the portal gods mouth into some unknown location.

Here’s another picture of the portal god in case you could still sleep at night

Where has Sphinx’s mysterious amulet taken him? What will he do now? Is the Prince really dead? Do we care? Let’s find out!

Super Sonic Sadism

            I’m quite a fan of the Sonic the Hedgehog series, some missteps in his games notwithstanding. So the other day when my friend and I were looking for things to do we decided to pop in a collection of old sonic games and play through Sonic 3. Eventually we were unable to continue and tried Sonic 2 in an attempt to end on a higher note. The game fared a bit better but we still had some problems near the end. But playing these brought to mind a lot of the reasons where I think the Sonic games had some problems, even back in their supposed golden age.

No one’s arguing that all the new games were fantastic, but they weren’t devoid of problems even before then…

Let’s Play Sphinx #2: Prince of the Fetch Quests

            When we last left our intrepid hero, he had vaulted over lava, acquired a mighty blade, slain enemies and dodged giant lasers, all before taking a magical portal to some unknown location. Coming up next in our engaging tale of heroics, we have…something completely unrelated.

Seems this kid just woke up! Presumably from dreaming he was in a segment with better gameplay