An Unrestrained Ramble on the Forging of Words

Well well well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? As is becoming an embarrassing trend with this blog, I seem to have gone a fair period of time without updating it. I’m sure my readers would be very disappointed in my long absence were it not for the fact that I talk to all of them like every other day. My hefty hiatus has been horribly heinous, but fear not, more content is on its way. But beyond that, my good reader, I must say I had a really good and not at all fictitious reason for not updating, which I will now describe to you in excruciating detail.

Our story begins several days after my last update about impressive organs. It was a dull, average afternoon of me practicing my chainsaw juggling routine. I was right in the middle of doing the tricky bit with the behind-the-back on-a-unicycle portion when suddenly I stopped, causing only minor property damage in the process. For you see, my Blog Sense was going off like something that was going off with an unprecedented amount of vigor! Focusing my Hyper Sensitive Blog Alignment Temporal Determinant Sensor know to some as “knowing about the passage of time”, I realized that it had been too many days without updates for the world to handle without resorting to cannibalism or whatever it is you people do when you go too long without hearing a random individual make jokes about butts in between talking about decades old video games.

Some Top Video Game Songs with Organs in Them

            So the other day I was thinking of a video game song in my head (because this is the sort of thing I do often) and accidentally confused it with another video game song, because both of them involved organs. Spurred by this thought, I tried to think up all the video game songs I could involving organs and came up with a surprisingly high tally. Deciding that there are far stupider inspirations for articles out there (which I will assuredly act upon later) I decided to compose a list of some top video game songs with organs in them.

Pictured: Sufficient inspiration for an article, apparently.

A Paper on Environmentalism

Earlier today I was struggling with an assignment for an unnamed class in which I had to identify a problem related to the class being green and offer a solution. I was not fond of the assignment, so I did something I've done once or twice before to amuse myself: I wrote out a fake, comedic version of the essay. Normally I only write these for my own amusement, but upon showing it to a friend they said I should post it on the blog. Given that school and my own laziness is keeping this blog as empty as usual lately, I figured why the hell not. So here, presented for your amusement, is some unedited, off-the-cuff madness from a bored and frustrated paper writer:

Mega Man Battle Network 2 Review

            This week on Genericide, I review a game that isn’t over a decade old! AHAHAHA! I had you going for a second there. Seriously though, today I’m reviewing an old Game Boy Advance game you quite possibly have never played or care about. Because what do I look like, some kind of normal person who lives in the present?

All of the cool kids are stuck decades in the past, man. That and people with malfunctioning time machines.

Sonic Adventure 2: Battle Review

            So over my holiday I’ve been submerged in a sea of older games, even with enticing new titles vying for my attention, mostly from the holiday steam sale. If this seems silly, it’s only because it is, but I can’t say I haven’t been enjoying myself revisiting past titles. One such title is one I already owned but lost track of, so I bought it for five bucks during a sale and became instantly obsessed with it again. That game will be obvious to anyone who read the top of the page. That’s right; I’ve been playing a considerable amount of Bill Hatcher and the Giant Egg Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.

            Sonic Adventure 2 was released for the ultimately doomed Sega Dreamcast console in 2001, but due to the whole doom thing it was later re-released with extra content on the Nintendo Gamecube less than a year later. This was the version my smaller self owned in the somewhat distant past, and I quite liked it at the time. I’m happy to report that the game holds up in my eyes today, but it’s still not without its problems.

The right image is the copy I remember from my childhood. The left image is the copy people with poor purchasing luck remember.

Paper Mario: Sticker Star Review

[Note: As I was finishing writing this review I had noticed a prevalent trend. Although I don’t regret it because this a blog of my opinions rather than a completely impartial outlet, here’s a fun drinking game I’ve devised: take a drink every time I compare Sticker Star to other Mario RPGs. Good luck.]

            So I return, metaphorically jumping out of the casket at a comical moment to inform everyone that I am not, in fact, dead. This past month of academically induced radio silence holds the new record for longest amount of time I’ve spent without updating the blog. So now that the honeymooning period of updates every week or two is over I’ve moved boldly forward in the realm of not updating, soaring to new heights with the new lows I’m willing to set. Um, that is to say that, I’m like, reaching a new low in actuality, but I’m using the phrase new heights to refer to the new record in lows I’m setting, which on reflection is kind of confusing. I mean, it’s sort of like the lows are the lowest because they’re the highest speaking in terms of lows, sort of like if gravity were flipped upside-down and flying high in the sky would actually be burrowing underground, but oh wait that would mess up the low part of the analogy. Er…

Okay I can figure this out, lemme just get out my tape measure…

Golden Sun Review

            So once again we arrive at our regrettably bimonthly update. College continues to limit my time spent with the games of video, so there are really only two games I’ve played in the last couple weeks. The first is more World of Warcraft, and the second is GBA RPG Golden Sun, which I started (and finished) another playthrough of on a whim. What’s that? You say you want to see more of this game I speak of? And you wish to do so by way of an informative and/or humorous internet review by some random blog? Well that just so happens to coincide with what I planned on doing, Suspiciously Informed Theoretical Inquirer. How exactly are you so well informed? Are you theoretically stalking me?

I’ve had it up to here with your theoretical shenanigans! Get the hell out of my theoretical house!