An Unrestrained Ramble On The Slaying of Sand Beasts

“…well fuck, this will really screw up my updating schedule on the blog.”

This was one of the primary thoughts on my mind as I lay trapped in a steel container buried below the desert miles away from civilization, as I could feel the vibrations of a hundred hungry sand beasts burrowing towards my iron coffin. The other main musings on my mind concerned ways to escape a steel container buried in a desert of hungry sand beasts, the amount of oxygen a vaguely human shaped steel container contained, and related matters. I mean, granted, that wasn’t all that was going on up there. I was also considering whether or not I’d had left the lights on at home. In the back of my mind I was also remembering that one song, y’know, that one that goes “dah nah daah duh nah daah nuh, dah nah daah duh nah daah nuh, daah nuuh dah”, or something along those lines. And I think I was also absentmindedly noting how I kind of had to pee at the time and…

…I feel I’ve gotten off track somewhat. What was I talking about again?

Oh right, the desert! And the steel box. And the giant robot. No wait, that last one was a different time.

Generiversary

I normally am against shorter updates to this blog, but today I’m going to make an exception. No not because I’m being lazy, because it’s the one-year anniversary of the blog being made! That’s completely different! Anyway, to celebrate this event, I’m going to briefly go over what I’ve actually managed to accomplish in that time, because I’m sure all of you love reading self-congratulatory statistics about a strangers writing accomplishments on the internet.

“…what? Oh…yeah. We’re, uh, all so interested in that. Please go on, we’re on the edge of our seats.”

On Old-School Difficulty in Games

Hero Man has had a difficult journey. His home village was burned down leaving no one but his plucky childhood love interest and himself left alive. He uncovered the ancient Sword of Stabbin’ Shit in a tomb filled with unruly undead. He recovered the Seven Seals of Seriously Significant Sorcery from all across the world. He’s performed hundreds of inane tasks in between, from rescuing kittens to killing rats to dealing with more fetch quests than any mortal man should ever have to see. He’s fought snakes and skeletons and sirens, demons and dragons and doppelgangers, Cyclops and cultists and centaurs, mummies and minotaurs and manticores and much much more. He’s been through hell and back, possibly literally, and is finally about to finish his epic quest. Atop of Mount Merciless, in the upper spire of the Castle of Catastrophe, our hero is finally about to put a stop to the evil sorcerer and save the entire world from his wrath, once and ffffffffffffffff-

-FFFUCK! I missed the jump again!

Depending on what type of game this is there are multiple possible outcomes as to what happens next. But if it’s an old-school game, I can sure as hell tell which outcome is most likely. And that’s that you won’t be getting to the conclusion of your quest without throwing at least half an hour of your life out the window. And if it’s me in this situation, then that half an hour won’t come until I muddle through a few minutes of muffled profanity, or alternatively just up and quit. Maybe I’ll come back, but maybe I won’t.

I don’t want to point any fingers, but the first half of this sentence is a bold-faced lie.

Genericide Update: Another Update about Updates

So it’s been a while since we’ve last laid eyes upon each other, internet. I thought about coming back from my over month-long absence in my…usual manner but upon reflection I realized that this would probably take a lot longer to write and would keep you waiting even longer, so in the interest of time I’ve decided to keep the update shorter for the present. I’ve been busy finishing up my most recent semester of college but celebrations are to be had because said semester is now over. I have a huge backlog of juicy, game-related updates to bring to all the good little girls and boys of the internet or failing that, I guess you guys. This combined with my new influx of free time should lead to a veritable flood of updates within the coming weeks and months.

…or at least, it will soon.

Now wait a second, I can explain, please put down the pitchforks…

Genericide Update: My True Calling

Hello again, faithful viewer(s)! You’re probably expecting me to do the same thing I always do and start this update apologizing for how long it’s been since I’ve updated. But I’m going to do things a little different this time. For you see, I have good news for all of you. Soon, I think I’ll be updating the blog much more often than I have been. There’s a good reason for this, which is as follows:

An Unrestrained Ramble on the Forging of Words

Well well well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? As is becoming an embarrassing trend with this blog, I seem to have gone a fair period of time without updating it. I’m sure my readers would be very disappointed in my long absence were it not for the fact that I talk to all of them like every other day. My hefty hiatus has been horribly heinous, but fear not, more content is on its way. But beyond that, my good reader, I must say I had a really good and not at all fictitious reason for not updating, which I will now describe to you in excruciating detail.

Our story begins several days after my last update about impressive organs. It was a dull, average afternoon of me practicing my chainsaw juggling routine. I was right in the middle of doing the tricky bit with the behind-the-back on-a-unicycle portion when suddenly I stopped, causing only minor property damage in the process. For you see, my Blog Sense was going off like something that was going off with an unprecedented amount of vigor! Focusing my Hyper Sensitive Blog Alignment Temporal Determinant Sensor know to some as “knowing about the passage of time”, I realized that it had been too many days without updates for the world to handle without resorting to cannibalism or whatever it is you people do when you go too long without hearing a random individual make jokes about butts in between talking about decades old video games.

Some Top Video Game Songs with Organs in Them

            So the other day I was thinking of a video game song in my head (because this is the sort of thing I do often) and accidentally confused it with another video game song, because both of them involved organs. Spurred by this thought, I tried to think up all the video game songs I could involving organs and came up with a surprisingly high tally. Deciding that there are far stupider inspirations for articles out there (which I will assuredly act upon later) I decided to compose a list of some top video game songs with organs in them.

Pictured: Sufficient inspiration for an article, apparently.