6 Tricks That Fool You into Thinking Consoles are Better than PC

There’s an age old debate that rages throughout video gaming history, since the dawn of time, and boy is it a stupid one. For years people have debated whether video game consoles are superior to personal computers, as though that was actually an argument you could have. These sheeple refuse to realize the evidence that’s right in front of their noses. PC has always been the better choice over consoles, and the only reason some think otherwise is because some of the glorious PC gaming master race are polite enough to humor them. But if you give them an inch they take a mile, and so for years the less intelligent among gamers have been duped by simple tricks that console manufacturers are using to pull the wool over their eyes. I’m going to set the record straight and reveal some of those so you can all just admit you’re wrong already.

Is Games Journalism Losing Its Integrity?

Video games are a medium we all love here at Genericide Entertainment, as I’m sure you do too. But dear readers, there is a troubling trend that can be seen lately in the games industry. People reporting on games took a while to hit their stride, and it seems their juvenile beginnings are showing once again. There are cries all across the industry of game reviewers not reviewing games properly or even getting paid off for giving their reviews a certain score. Genericide Entertainment does its best to be the moral watchdogs of the gaming community, and will assuredly cover absolutely any rumors of corruption in games as soon as it hits, repeatedly over and over until a verdict is reached. But we worry that even our guiding presence won’t be enough.

Even fantastic games, like The Last of Us, don’t seem to get 100s on Metacritic. Highly suspicious. 

Zelda Four Swords Adventures

There’s a certain trend to how things go around this blog. First, I will write about a game I have played or a game design topic I want to talk about, or so on. Next, I will think of another thing I want to write about, likely concerning a game I’m currently playing or just finished. However, when I consider writing about said subject, I will think: “Hey, I did just do a post, so I don’t have to necessarily write about this other thing this very second. I’m sure I can put it off for just a little bit, but any day now I –“

Then, at least month passes seemingly instantaneously.

Such is this case with this game. If I recall correctly, I beat The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures within a week of Zelda 2, around the same time I did my review of the latter. However, the usual cycle occurred and, though I surely didn’t intend for it, we’re now over a month out. But I’m finally writing this damn thing, so enough introductions! Now allow me to introduce this game.

Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link Review

Liking or even loving The Legend of Zelda series is not a unique claim on the internet. For those of you unaware (side note: how the hell did you end up on a blog about video games?), The Legend of Zelda series is one of the most popular and well-received game franchises of all time. On the list of best-selling game franchises it’s currently only 20^th place [source]. I know, surprised me too, but I’d guess quantity has a lot to do with it, as well as games selling more in general as time goes on. Since these games started coming out in the mid-80s, before aggregate sites like Metacritic existed (for better or worse), it’s impossible to get average review scores across the whole series. However, I would be willing to bet money that if you could take average review scores from each Zelda game and then averaged the whole series, it would be better received than any other game franchise (with at least a few entries, because averages) in history.

Put another way, I don’t think there is a single series of video games more universally beloved than The Legend of Zelda. There are series that sell more, series that get more publicity, and plenty of individual games that score as well as it. But many of the other biggest game series are divisive. Final Fantasy, Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, Sonic the Hedgehog...these are all series of games that have people who really like them and some who really despise them. But I’ve never really seen people hate The Legend of Zelda. Oh, such people exist, sure. No need to show me examples, I’ve been on the internet before. But at worst, people typically just seem ambivalent towards it. And at best people really, really love it.

Why am I explaining this to you? I’m telling you because I love The Legend of Zelda. It is quite possibly my favorite game series of all time. I am a person who owns and has played several hundred games, many of them regarded as fantastic masterpieces. And yet if you asked me what my favorite games of all time were, I guarantee that multiple Zelda games would be near the top of the list. But despite this, I haven’t actually talked about Zelda games much at all in my time writing for this blog. Why is that?

Was it alien tampering? I bet it was alien tampering. It’s the only rational explanation.

Burton’s Exotic Brews and Spirits

            So it's become a sort of tradition for me to supply this blog with my finished (and I use that word lightly) stories from my creative writing classes. Though there are some I'd like to keep locked up in the metaphorical Disney Vault for the time being, I have enough meek, fragile confidence in this one that I'll deign to show it to the internet at large. Besides, its been two weeks since an update and for normal people that constitutes an update drought. For me it constitutes a slight lull in the rampaging rapids of overflowing update-water, but that's besides the point. The point is, hopefully you'll enjoy this short story.

***

Runescape, Part 2

            In a sleepy little village out in the countryside, a young boy yawns awake, stretching in the morning sun. He groggily dresses himself and stumbles outside to check the mail. It is at this point that he glimpses a lone figure riding in on the horizon. The boy squints, and when he recognizes the special mailman his eyes widen in surprise and his face lights up. Tripping slightly in his haste to turn around, he rushes back around the corner to his house and bursts through the door.

            “Papa!” yells the little boy. “Papa, Mama, come quick come quick!”

           

            The father of this young lad creaked open his door, looking disgruntled and rubbing his face. “Alphonse, why must you wake us so early on a holiday?” he said.

            “I saw him!” said Alphonse, bouncing on the heels of his feet. “I saw him Papa, I saw the special mailman!” 

Genericide Holiday Special 2: Yuletide Boogaloo

            In some austere study, in an ancient armchair silhouetted by the moonlight, there sits a man. Or rather, what was once a man.  The ghastly figure that now lingered in this place had clearly left its humanity behind long ago. The figure had a horrible, scarred and stretched visage, complimented by inhumanly pale blue skin, which wavered and flickered in the light with a slight translucence. He – for it had indeed been a he, ages past – was clothed in warped and disfigured rags whose original design was all but lost due not just to their state of disrepair but also due to the chains. The man was covered in giant, rust-ridden chains that crossed this way and that all around his body in incalculable numbers. They rattled constantly, their grim, hellish tones a constant and unceasing reminder of the twisted afterlife this simultaneously terrifying and pitiable creature had unwillingly bought for himself.

            He was currently struggling with the phone.

            “Yes, you heard me correctly” he intoned in an echoing bass. “Yes, it still hasn’t arrived...a large pepperoni...no...it should be under Ghost...yes, full name Herbert C. Ghost...yes...yes, stands for Christmas...yes I’m serious...okay...okay. But I’ll call back again if it isn’t soon...yes, goodbye.”