Zelda: Phantom Hourglass Review

This entry is a little late, but I had a busy week and a birthday to contend with. I sat around playing games, ate a bunch, and then sat around playing games in a food coma. It was great. Besides, if you look at the history of this blog, the real anomaly is that I have a regular update schedule to miss in the first place. So you should probably be in awe of how far I’ve come, and showering me with praise and money. And free ice cream. And while you’re out, would it kill you to buy me a birthday present? Also, I think we’re running low on milk and...I feel I’ve gotten off track here.

Sorry, I don’t get paid enough free ice cream to stay on topic.

Anyway...

It should be clear from my several other articles, I really like the Legend of Zelda. Unfortunately, there’s a trend in the Zelda games I’ve reviewed on this blog. I’ve only been writing articles on the games I’ve played through recently, and it stands to reason that the last Zelda games I’d bother to beat are the ones I have the least drive to do so. I played Zelda: Phantom Hourglass when it first came out back in 2007. I gave up midway through and recall feeling frustrated about it. This is odd because reviews for the game praise it a lot. Were those outlets too caught up in the hype of a new console and the well-known series pedigree? Having finally replayed it to the end, was I wrong? Or did I feel the guilty pleasure of validated complaints, like in Zelda 2?

Oblivion Adventures Part 7: Subtle Cues

Last we left off on Oblivion Adventures, stalwart spirit slayer Shush’Ogar invested in some bad real estate. After purging poltergeists from his property, he slipped off to sleep. As for what he encountered next...

Shush yawned an rubbed his face. Shush guessed dat he had dozed off for a bit dere. Shush checked around him to make sure everyting was de same as before. Dere was a table of people drinkin in fronta Shush, an he was sittin on a throne made of rainbow colored skulls. Dey were all sittin on top of one a dose flat boats in de river, which was all red an bloody. Sometimes bits of crab shells bobbed in de water as dey passed.

Yup, everyting normal dere.

Final Fantasy 6: Music

[NOTE: This article has an absolutely enormous amount of song links. You may want to reserve reading it for a time when your ears are available.]

Though not a rule, I generally don’t review current, popular games here on this blog. The reason for this is the same that I’m confronted with trying to talk about Final Fantasy 6: Everything I could say has already been said. The music of Final Fantasy and series composer Nobuo Uematsu is some of the most publicly beloved in all of video games. For many people, Final Fantasy 6 is the highlight of his musical career. In spite of my love of game music and some previous experience as a musician, I’m no music critic. Far more qualified and knowledgeable people have spoken on these songs. No matter how I try, this post will never be anything close to definitive. It may not be all that deep or insightful.

But sometimes, as someone who produces creative or critical content, you just have to accept that. I’m not writing this post to be the one true post to rule them all. I’m writing it because I love this music, I want to share this music, and I want to talk about this music. With any luck, what I lack in technical knowledge can be made up for in enthusiasm.

So first, let’s follow up that introduction with a second one.

“Oh, no yeah that’s cool. I love introductions. Who even needs real content, let’s just have an article full of those.”

Final Fantasy 6: A Character Focused Narrative

I am no expert on narrative critique. No objective authority on how to craft a story. This post I’m going to explain what makes good writing as though it were objective fact, because to do otherwise would diminish my point. This is something that no one else would make a disclaimer for, but I’m slowly weaning myself off my crippling addiction to qualifying statements, so cut me some slack on this one. I’ve only been writing this blog for over three years, surely I’ll get better at it eventually.

Today we’re going to talk about the story to Final Fantasy 6. Specifically, we’re going to talk about why I think it’s well-written and engaging, despite having notable problems. Many issues I have with it stem from length more than anything else. I want more development on this character, or more banter and interaction between characters, or more exploration of some concept in the world. Curious and looking to confirm a suspicion, I found a transcript of all the game’s dialogue up on the internet. It came out to about 18,000 words, not counting optional interactions with non-player characters.

So it’s about half the length of one of my articles? HEY-OOOOOO!

Final Fantasy 6: Intro and Combat

Wow, we’ve sure had a lot of Oblivion here lately. It’s a big change of pace for me, both because I’m updating regularly and because the game is only 9 years old. That’s way too current for me. Next thing you know I’ll actually be covering current news and things that are relevant to reader’s interests! I can only imagine how horrible such a future would be. What’s next, having loving and supportive fans with whom I share a healthy and non-abusive relationship? Gross.

“We love you Genericide!”

“Ugh, go away weirdos, your positive reinforcement is unsettling! I bet you don’t even enjoy bad fan fiction!”

So this week we’re going to take a break from the 9 year old game to talk about one over 20 years old, Final Fantasy 6. Final Fantasy is one of the most well-known franchises in video games, and defined an entire sub-genre, the JRPG (Japanese Role-Playing Game). Final Fantasy 6 was the last of the main series to use 2D sprites instead of 3D models. It was also the last to appear on a Nintendo console, showing up in America as Final Fantasy 3. (Due to lesser sales, many early games weren’t released outside Japan until later).

Oblivion Adventures Part 6: Home is Where the Hearse Is

On the last installment of Oblivion Adventures, escort exterminator Shush’Ogar stomped stalking strumpets to stop them stealing stupendous amounts of gold. We rejoin him after this encounter, as he rolls back into town.

Shush was kinda tired on account of not sleepin de past few days. He was especially tired cause he had like fifty of dese skulls to carry around.  It was okay doe, Shush had a special condition dat let him not sleep way longer den normal, somethin about most of his brain bein in-sul-a-tion. But Shush figured he could use a break. So Shush sat down at de bar an ate an drank some stuff for a bit. While Shush was doin dat, a guy came over to Shush lookin kinda nervous. De guy kept givin quick looks to Shush’s belt, which was where Shush were keepin all de big bags a gold he kept gettin.

Oblivion Adventures Part 5: Muscular Orc Hammers Trio of Sultry Sirens [HD]

Last time we saw Shush’Ogar, he came to the coast city of Anvil, wandered into the mage’s guild, secured a membership, secured all their stuff, secured all their riches by selling their stuff back to them, then secured a job to defeat a rogue mage. The task was quickly completed, securing him a recommendation. We rejoin our protagonist outside the guild hall...

Shush wasn’t sure wot ting he was gonna do next. Shush knew dat he needed to visit a buncha places to get more better mage-y stuff, but dose other places were far away. Plus, Shush felt like dere was another ting he was s’posed to do dat he was forgettin. Shush were walkin down de street tryin to figure out wot dat was when he overheard some people talkin.

“Yeah, it sounds like Maelona is getting pretty desperate about it.”

“Well I would be too, if I were her. ‘Course I’d probably try and get money out of a divorce settlement rather than paying strangers from my own pocket.”

Shush wasn’t always de best at listenin, but he was real gud at hearin about people payin him. Shush walked up to de people talkin.

“Did you say somethin about people payin strangers for stuff?” Shush said.

“Oh, um, hello sir. Yes, the couple down the street” de man pointed as he talked “was having some trouble with the local gang. You know...the all-female one? They’re willing to pay-“

“Dat’s all Shush needed to hear.”