Genericide Update: Yeah I Just Talk About Zelda

“I’m not sure if I’ll have the article ready for next week.”

-Grand Admiral Genericide of the USS Disappointment,

June 10, 2016...and seemingly every week after

What more explanation do you need? If you answered “the kind that actually explains something”? First of all, how’s the weather down there in Snarkansas? Enjoying a cool, refreshing sassparilla? Second of all, yeah okay fine. The short explanation is e3. The medium explanation is e3 and Zelda. The longest explanation is that I may have replaced my computer with a giant monitor that just plays the Breath of the Wild trailer until I get bored of it or the heat death of the universe, whichever comes first. Close race, place your bets. If you’re wondering how I’m typing this article without a computer, let’s just sidestep that query and hope my neighbor doesn’t come home anytime soon.

Genericide Update: Technically Considered Success

Another week, another update. I hope you’re ready to have that week-old disappointment dug out from the back of the fridge and re-heated! On the downside, it’s another seven days with naught but a rambling diatribe on nothing of significance. On the upside, at least it’s on time. Low standards baby! The path to what is technically considered success!

Genericide Update: The Winged Unicycle of Adventure

It’s Friday, and that means it’s Me-Putting-Words-On-A-Screen-And-Then-Sending-Them-Through-The-Internet-So-You-Can-Read-Them Day. I tried to get that on calendars but they rejected my proposal. I argued that it would be quite easy to include a magnifying glass with each calendar sold, but they claimed I was missing the point.

Last Friday was a momentous occasion. It was the first Friday since starting weekly updates on a deadline that I completely failed to update weekly on a deadline!

HUZZAH!

Oblivion Adventures Part 20: The Ceremony

S’razirr walked into the main chamber for the first time since he had entered this crazed cultist cave. There were a number of robed individuals bustling about preparing things. Then again, “preparing” might be a strong word. Apart from the ones standing guard by their leader at the altar, they were mostly just sweeping the cave floor dirt into other, apparently more desirable dirt piles.

“And that was how I killed my mother” said Darren, walking in behind him. “Serves her right for burning that loaf, eh?!”

S’razirr had tried to ignore his unfortunately friendly companion since he awoke. However, it was hard to ignore something so constant and really, excessively graphic.

“So that’s my mother, father, sister, baker, neighbor, dog, neighbor’s dog, friend’s neighbor’s mother’s dog...oh! I never told you about what I did with my teacher, did I?! Well to start I went and bought thirty feet of rope, a dead hog and a carving-”

“This is your ceremony room?” S’razirr interrupted.

Genericide Update: Starting Strong

Well here we are again. I sure am glad I one-hundred percent committed to absolutely bringing home heaps of fresh content every week. Imagine, if I hadn’t decided I was gripping punctuality by the horns and breaking my pelvis riding it, I would’ve been disappointed by this lack of content all alone. Now we can all be disappointed in me together! It will be a beautiful bonding experience. We can all hit a piñata of me until it breaks open, revealing nothing because I am very subtle at metaphor. Then I’ll realize no one actually came to the get-together because like three people read these things and I never sent out invites to the impromptu metaphorical pity party beforehand. After this realization I’ll sob softly to myself in the corner. So you know, an average week but now I’m writing it down!

Genericide Update: On Update Announcements About Updates

Why hello. I didn’t see you come in. Ha. This is a funny joke, as this is a pre-recorded message, and I have no manner of seeing you in the first place. The hilarity of this humorous gaffe is granted extra joke quotient by means of it being a text post, even lesser in vision-capabilities. It is even further bolstered by the fact that this exact joke has been used many times by other people. Therefore, the statement was both a joke and a reference. In the real world, this would make it less funny. Fortunately, we’re on the internet: Where only hilarity can result by continuously bringing up a delicious buffet of dead horse entrees. May I take your coat? HA! How am I supposed to manhandle this outward fashion layer when I am on the other end of your internet? You’re probably not even wearing a coat! Unless you are. Then I suppose it’s slightly less hilarious. I’ll adjust the joke quotient.

I suppose it’s time we got down to business. Straighten your tie, dust off your pants, pull up you suspender straps that no one actually wears these days, because I’m about to hit you with some HARD FACTS.

FACT 1: Guys, making internet funnies is haaaaaaaaard.

FACT 2: Guuuuuys, having a real job is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

FACT 3: Guuuuuuuuuooooiiiiiissse, having a real job and also making internet funnies is HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....aDUH.

Homestuck Part 3: Music

Note: This is the third post in a series. You’d think that’d be obvious with the “Part 3” in the title, dunkass. It’s like, do you even read the things shoved in front of your vacant, listless sight orbs? Clearly not, or I wouldn’t have to spend so much time chastising you for making me provide theoretical answers to questions I assume you made. Moron.

Part 2 (the part before this one) is here.

Part 1 (the part that is not before this, by process of elimination) is here.

And we’re back for the final installment! Thought you could avoid my typical music rant because this wasn’t a video game? Think again! (Actually you could easily avoid it by simply not reading, especially now that this is its own article. Just bear with me).Though Homestuck isn’t a computerized electronic television game of any sort, it does draw a lot of inspiration from video games. From this imitation has blossomed forth animations, interactive portions, and a ton of music. The music community around Homestuck has produced over 25 albums for a total of more than 500 songs. That’s an impressive amount of audio devoted purely to one webcomic. It’s also surprisingly good. There are some uninspired, dull and generally average songs, especially on larger albums. All the same, there’s a ton of music I like here, and some I absolutely love. The songs take a lot of inspiration from video game music, not just in use of chiptunes or electronic sounds but in the sense that they feature instrumental music with strong, recognizable melodies.