Child of Light: Writing

The first post I made on Child of Light was pretty positive. Sure there were some minor grumbles round the middle. But I mostly said nice things and good feelings were had by all. I prostrated myself before the screenshots on my monitor, hailing such praise for the visuals that you’d think I’d started a new religion. The compliments I gave the music were so enthusiastically comprehensive that in certain countries the soundtrack and I are now legally married. I’m pretty sure every member of the audience got a free dirt bike.

That was then, and this, assuming my rudimentary understanding of time and written tense is correct, is now. Things will go a little differently this time, but I hold up last post as a shield against accusations that I am that most reviled of animals: the “hater”. Like a used nose ring in a bowl of cheerios, the bad must be revealed so it can be avoided in the future. I’m not trying to shoot the messenger or deride the culinary merits of cheerios, it’s just the nature of criticism. You know what they say: If you love something, sometimes you just have to kick it in the dick. That’s what they say, right? Pretty sure it is. If it isn’t then I’m beginning to suspect my parents were full of shit.

Child of Light: Art, Music and Miscellaneous

In a turn of events that’s pretty rare these days, I actually finished a video game last weekend two weeks ago relatively recently. The game in question is Child of Light, an independent RPG developed by Ubisoft Montreal in 2014. I quite enjoyed it, but for all the parts I liked, there were some I was indifferent towards, and some that outright frustrated me. Polarizing experiences such as these are always more interesting to write about. So much so, that this article had to be split into multiple parts! Next week is going to be about the game’s writing. The article after that will tackle the game’s combat. As for right now? Everything else. But specifically, we’re going to start with...

Genericide Update: Connect Four, I Won!

I know I know, believe me I know. The first Child of Light post is almost done, at about 4k words. I could scramble to post it now if I rushed through the editing process. However, the whole point of these update posts is so that I can keep myself in practice while also giving articles proper care and attention. Giving myself time now will make a better product later, as well as more time to build up a buffer for subsequent weeks. Please don’t quote me on that in the likely scenario that I fail to deliver a couple weeks in the future. Uh, don’t quote that following line either. Y’know what, it’s probably for the best that you instantly forget any words from my mouth as soon as they pass through your skulls.

Genericide Update: Yeah I Just Talk About Zelda

“I’m not sure if I’ll have the article ready for next week.”

-Grand Admiral Genericide of the USS Disappointment,

June 10, 2016...and seemingly every week after

What more explanation do you need? If you answered “the kind that actually explains something”? First of all, how’s the weather down there in Snarkansas? Enjoying a cool, refreshing sassparilla? Second of all, yeah okay fine. The short explanation is e3. The medium explanation is e3 and Zelda. The longest explanation is that I may have replaced my computer with a giant monitor that just plays the Breath of the Wild trailer until I get bored of it or the heat death of the universe, whichever comes first. Close race, place your bets. If you’re wondering how I’m typing this article without a computer, let’s just sidestep that query and hope my neighbor doesn’t come home anytime soon.

Genericide Update: Technically Considered Success

Another week, another update. I hope you’re ready to have that week-old disappointment dug out from the back of the fridge and re-heated! On the downside, it’s another seven days with naught but a rambling diatribe on nothing of significance. On the upside, at least it’s on time. Low standards baby! The path to what is technically considered success!

Genericide Update: The Winged Unicycle of Adventure

It’s Friday, and that means it’s Me-Putting-Words-On-A-Screen-And-Then-Sending-Them-Through-The-Internet-So-You-Can-Read-Them Day. I tried to get that on calendars but they rejected my proposal. I argued that it would be quite easy to include a magnifying glass with each calendar sold, but they claimed I was missing the point.

Last Friday was a momentous occasion. It was the first Friday since starting weekly updates on a deadline that I completely failed to update weekly on a deadline!

HUZZAH!

Oblivion Adventures Part 20: The Ceremony

S’razirr walked into the main chamber for the first time since he had entered this crazed cultist cave. There were a number of robed individuals bustling about preparing things. Then again, “preparing” might be a strong word. Apart from the ones standing guard by their leader at the altar, they were mostly just sweeping the cave floor dirt into other, apparently more desirable dirt piles.

“And that was how I killed my mother” said Darren, walking in behind him. “Serves her right for burning that loaf, eh?!”

S’razirr had tried to ignore his unfortunately friendly companion since he awoke. However, it was hard to ignore something so constant and really, excessively graphic.

“So that’s my mother, father, sister, baker, neighbor, dog, neighbor’s dog, friend’s neighbor’s mother’s dog...oh! I never told you about what I did with my teacher, did I?! Well to start I went and bought thirty feet of rope, a dead hog and a carving-”

“This is your ceremony room?” S’razirr interrupted.

Genericide Update: Starting Strong

Well here we are again. I sure am glad I one-hundred percent committed to absolutely bringing home heaps of fresh content every week. Imagine, if I hadn’t decided I was gripping punctuality by the horns and breaking my pelvis riding it, I would’ve been disappointed by this lack of content all alone. Now we can all be disappointed in me together! It will be a beautiful bonding experience. We can all hit a piñata of me until it breaks open, revealing nothing because I am very subtle at metaphor. Then I’ll realize no one actually came to the get-together because like three people read these things and I never sent out invites to the impromptu metaphorical pity party beforehand. After this realization I’ll sob softly to myself in the corner. So you know, an average week but now I’m writing it down!

Genericide Update: On Update Announcements About Updates

Why hello. I didn’t see you come in. Ha. This is a funny joke, as this is a pre-recorded message, and I have no manner of seeing you in the first place. The hilarity of this humorous gaffe is granted extra joke quotient by means of it being a text post, even lesser in vision-capabilities. It is even further bolstered by the fact that this exact joke has been used many times by other people. Therefore, the statement was both a joke and a reference. In the real world, this would make it less funny. Fortunately, we’re on the internet: Where only hilarity can result by continuously bringing up a delicious buffet of dead horse entrees. May I take your coat? HA! How am I supposed to manhandle this outward fashion layer when I am on the other end of your internet? You’re probably not even wearing a coat! Unless you are. Then I suppose it’s slightly less hilarious. I’ll adjust the joke quotient.

I suppose it’s time we got down to business. Straighten your tie, dust off your pants, pull up you suspender straps that no one actually wears these days, because I’m about to hit you with some HARD FACTS.

FACT 1: Guys, making internet funnies is haaaaaaaaard.

FACT 2: Guuuuuys, having a real job is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

FACT 3: Guuuuuuuuuooooiiiiiissse, having a real job and also making internet funnies is HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....aDUH.

Homestuck Part 3: Music

Note: This is the third post in a series. You’d think that’d be obvious with the “Part 3” in the title, dunkass. It’s like, do you even read the things shoved in front of your vacant, listless sight orbs? Clearly not, or I wouldn’t have to spend so much time chastising you for making me provide theoretical answers to questions I assume you made. Moron.

Part 2 (the part before this one) is here.

Part 1 (the part that is not before this, by process of elimination) is here.

And we’re back for the final installment! Thought you could avoid my typical music rant because this wasn’t a video game? Think again! (Actually you could easily avoid it by simply not reading, especially now that this is its own article. Just bear with me).Though Homestuck isn’t a computerized electronic television game of any sort, it does draw a lot of inspiration from video games. From this imitation has blossomed forth animations, interactive portions, and a ton of music. The music community around Homestuck has produced over 25 albums for a total of more than 500 songs. That’s an impressive amount of audio devoted purely to one webcomic. It’s also surprisingly good. There are some uninspired, dull and generally average songs, especially on larger albums. All the same, there’s a ton of music I like here, and some I absolutely love. The songs take a lot of inspiration from video game music, not just in use of chiptunes or electronic sounds but in the sense that they feature instrumental music with strong, recognizable melodies.

Homestuck Part 2: Fan Adventures

Ye find yourself in yon GAME BLOG. Ye see a FLASK. Obvious exits are PART 1, PART 3, and PART THE ONE YOU ARE READING. What dost thou do?

>Get ye flask

>Ye can’t get ye flask.

>Go PART 1

>Ye cannot “Go PART 1”. Thou must navigate using the HELPFUL LINKS to exit this BLOG POST.

>Write BETTER BLOG POST

>I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do that with “BETTER BLOG POST”.

>Go PART THE ONE YOU ARE READING

Last time I gave an introduction to Homestuck, speculated why it was so popular, and offered some of my personal experiences on it. I said that I would talk about Homestuck-adjacent media and offer a conclusion this time, but that’s not quite accurate. See there’s this thing you’re supposed to do with articles, on the tip of my tongue, hmm oh yes: stop writing them. I didn’t do that, and so now I’m going to take a page out Hussie’s book and divide my subdivision. Today I’ll be discussing fan adventures, and soon we’ll cover music. Soon meaning a few days, because I said I’d post this Friday and I didn’t. But in a sense, is Saturday not the Friday of the soul? Is it not the ephemeral realm of freedom from the shackles of our daily lives, taking flight into the wondrous realms of joy amongst the clouds of recreation? Could it be that when we say Friday, in our deepest heart of hearts, Saturday is what we are truly understood to mean?

No, not really. I have some professional experience with past-me, that guy is full of shit.

On Homestuck, Part 1

Note: This was originally going to be one article, but I rambled on even longer than usual and there was a lot of what could technically be described as “research” involved. As a result, it’s been split into two parts. The second half will go up on Friday. For those of you viewing from the mystical portal of chronology known as the future, you’ll find that it’s already here.

...and also here. Future me didn’t warn me this would be a three parter.

Two weeks ago, after exactly 7 years of updates, a comic called Homestuck finally ended. I’m here today to talk about it.

I rarely talk about anything personal on this blog. I rarely talk about anything unrelated to video games. I rarely talk about my opinions on wildly popular topics. Today I plan on breaking all of these trends, in observance of my biggest unwritten rule: “I write what I feel like.” However, this would be nothing without my second biggest unwritten rule: “Don’t suck.” Inspiring wording on that one. Point is, even though this article is outside my usual wheelhouse, I’ll endeavor to keep the quality similar, like that of a wheelbungalow or at least a wheelshanty.

I’m also aware that Homestuck has something of a...baggage behind it. This immensely popular internet sensation brought in millions of fans from every corner of the digital realm. Based on the content of the piece and the culture generally seen around it, it’s a safe bet that most of them were teenagers or the recently teenaged. Combined with the fact that Homestuck itself is very strange and heavily memetic, and it’s no surprise it frustrated those outside its fandom. Hell, sometimes it frustrated those inside it. So if you don’t like Homestuck, I have good news for you! The final seal on the ancient wizard’s curse I used to force you to read all my blog posts has dissipated. You don’t have to read this. I won’t take offense. In fact, I’m literally unable to take offense, as my readership is so small ambient google noise is indistinguishable from a dip in views.

Pictured: Traffic after a cat rolls on a keyboard and accidentally visits Genericide.

Oblivion Adventures Part 19: The Day Before

Last time on Oblivion Adventures, Shush was visited in the dead of night by a mysterious stranger, who was soon given a dead flight out the inn window. The next day we escorted an eccentric nobleman through hordes of undead to place an artifact in the chamber of a forgotten king. In video game terms, this is basically asking to be betrayed. A bevy of bludgeons were shared all around. And today...

S’razirr was not having a good day.

The khajiit had always tried to lead a good life. Which, by his definition, was one wherein he did bad with enough caution to never get caught. It was a policy that had served him well ever since he’d run away from his home in Elswyr 11 long years ago. Thing is, it was the kind of lifestyle you could only screw-up once.

So he had thought when, several days ago, he’d shot a 7 foot tall hulking mound of orange-and-purple orc who’d politely asked him not to. His second request had been made with a warhammer as tall as S’razirr, and just as heavy if his nerves weren’t telling tall tales. The tales they told down the nearby cliff were quite tall, but it was hard to doubt their accuracy. Speaking of...

Genericide Update: Retrospective Ramblings

As of a couple weeks ago, I’ve made 100 posts here on Genericide. Considering the amount of verbiage I vivaciously vomit, this is an impressive amount indeed. For me, I mean. I assume those people I hear about with “competency” and “standards” and “real jobs” would aim higher. But that last point has changed for me recently. Those who read my last update will know it was a goofball throwback to a bunch of my previous hijinks, all under the guise of me not having time to write. In a case that basically never ever happens, it takes inspiration from what’s actually going on in my life.

After a period of post-college unemployment, which allowed me to start these consistent updates, I secured a full-time job about a month ago. Between the job, the commute, and trying to work on an indie game on the side, the 8ish hours a week spent on these blog posts is tougher to maintain. That being said, I want to make it clear: I am NOT going to stop updating, or even stop updating weekly. It won’t be easy. Sometimes I may miss Friday, though I hope never more than a weekend without an update. Forcing yourself to start a creative project after a work day is rough, and I’m not going to pretend I’m immune to distraction and procrastination. But even though my audience remains nearly nonexistent, I’ve had fun with these regular updates and I want them to continue, for myself if no one else.

That being said, I’d like to look back at the almost four years(!) of this blog with a little retrospective this week. I thought it would be a fun change of pace. It turned out to be a mix of self-congratulatory pride, awkward cringing, annoying bookkeeping and vague bewilderment. The last was caused by articles I had completely forgotten as I’d never finished writing them. I suppose you want a look at those? Very well, here’s a Link.

The 31st

On March 31, 2016, I was sitting in my cubicle at the job factory when a strangely insubstantial finger tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to what I’d think was someone in a crappy grim reaper costume were it not for them being literally half-transparent. I don’t know many transparent people, so this narrowed down names to remember quite a bit. Their face appeared to be enveloped in all-consuming shadow beneath their hood, so that meant I couldn’t guess who they were off of, say, a distinctive nose. But most tellingly, they were adorned in a series of chains weighed down by boxes of obscure Korean MMOs.

“Herbert C. Ghost?” I asked with a bewildered expression.

“Ah, good, you remember me. Saves me the time of explaining myself again.”

“A few holidays ago you visited me with memories of three awful MMOs past, though it turned out to be just one at the time. Then I recycled that awkward holiday special set-up next year by visiting you directly. I got tired of your awkward shtick, which is why you weren’t in this year’s crummy game special.

“I JUST said you didn’t have to explain that! Also, blaming me for that ‘shtick’? Immature and a little hurtful actually, thanks for that. Only not actual thanks, because I hate you.”

“Then why are you here?” I said, turning my swivel chair back towards my desk. “I have very important, very boring work to do here and we’re months out from Christmas from either direction.”

Oblivion Adventures Part 18: Killers and Kings

Last time on Oblivion Adventures, Shush’Ogar met surprisingly competent resistance on his latest relic-snatching heist. They were all nonetheless turned into unsurprisingly dead resistance, at least as far as he could tell. We rejoin our orcish adventurer back in the imperial city...

De elf wit de ice cream cone hair did a gasp when Shush walked in de room wit his fancy square of rock.

“You’ve done it!” he said. “You’ve actually managed to recover the high fane! Magnificent! May I please see it?”

Shush handed over de rectangle-thingy covered in squiggly lines an de fancy elf seemed real happy about dat. He turned it over in his hands a bunch an traced de lines, mumblin to himself under his breath.

“Astounding, absolutely incredible, this is just...” de elf paused an looked up. “Is that blood?”

Bravely Default: Filler and Plot Twists

Four weeks ago, I wrote an article about Undertale and Completionism, and in it I briefly mentioned a game called Bravely Default, grumbling about it having filler. Three weeks ago, I finished playing Bravely Default, and decided it was time to voice opinions that had been bubbling over a saga of a hundred hours. Two weeks ago, I wrote about the good in Bravely Default, of its marvelous combat and its magnificent music. One week ago, I discussed the story of Bravely Default, my tone slowly souring in the face of thoughtless clichés and disconnected, diminished side quests. This brings us tumbling towards that land on the precipice of both the foreign and familiar, the present. Ladies and gentlemen, we have, in all senses of the word, reached the endgame.

And with it comes one emphatic warning. This post will not just contain spoilers. No, it will contain MAXIMUM SPOILERS. Should you choose to read on, you will be like a barrel of fish shipped to Kansas in a sunbed. Like a child whose parents buy him every Amiibo, Skylander and trading card on the market. Like a banana with a peel black as the deepest abyss. SPOILED, SPOILED, SPOILED, down to the very core. Everything is on the table, and that table is under a spotlight of a worldwide live television broadcast. If you have any ambition of experiencing the late-game revelations of Bravely Default for yourself, turn back.

Well, uh, maybe not literally. That would make it hard to operate your computer. Just navigate to a different webpage, I guess.

Let it never be said that I am thoughtless with plot details. Here is that warning one final time:

SPOILERS!

With that out of the way, let’s begin with a recap...

Bravely Default: Story and Side Quests

Last week I opened up a new series on Bravely Default, and I started things out pretty positive. This is key to keep in mind, because it’s all downhill from here. This second post will focus on the writing of the game, and will feature MINOR SPOILERS. Specifically, I’ll be going into various details of the story and spoiling some mid-game side quests. However, all the major plot twists and late-game story will be saved for a third and final post. It’ll take some effort to avoid talking about them, but they deserve their own time to shine (or, uh, the opposite of shine. Absorb light?). Let’s dive right in with a basic overview of the story.

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before

The writing in Bravely Default isn’t terrible. It has some neat ideas and there’s some untapped potential, but the execution is questionable from the moment you open the game. It begins with a couple brief cutscenes that, even in retrospect, contribute absolutely nothing. This video shows the introductory scenes, but the actually important ones start at 2:30, with one scene for each main character. They’re about as generic as they come (though the music remains excellent throughout).

First we have Anges (pronounced ahn-yes), a serious shrine maiden stereotype spouting overwrought dialogue about a crystal of the four elements. Next we have Ringabel, a dashing rogue who’s also a womanizer and amnesiac. Third up is Edea, a headstrong daughter to a major political power. Finally we have Tiz, a simple farm boy from a sleepy village that’s instantly blown to bits along with his brother. Sound familiar? It should, if you’ve played literally any JRPG ever made. This is the type of set-up you’d give to a parody of JRPGs, but Bravely Default plays this premise completely straight for much of the game. You’re four extremely generic protagonists following along a generic plot to re-light four (generic) magic crystals.

Also, you reawaken the crystals with a quick-time event. Wa-hoa, Bravely Default, save some innovation for the rest of us!

Bravely Default: The Good Stuff

As video games continue to grow in popularity every year, it becomes increasingly difficult to see the medium as a whole. The recent surge of indie titles, crowdfunded titles, and re-released classics ensures that people never lack games to play, even purely inside their favorite genres. That’s absolutely fantastic, but it makes it much harder to keep up with every major release, and I was crap at doing that to begin with. So despite the fact that Bravely Default fits my turn-based RPG tastes and was released on 3DS back in 2012, I only got my hands on it a few months ago.

It’s convenient timing, as I’m late to the party just in time to be early for another. The game’s sequel, Bravely Second, is releasing today in Europe and within a couple months in the US. I recently finished the original game, and have a lot to say on it. Like most interesting games to discuss, Bravely Default isn’t all good, bad, or mediocre. Rather, it has some parts I really enjoy and others that really frustrate me. So over the coming weeks I’m going to run a multi-part series on the game. The later posts will focus on the writing, where most of my issues lie. This first one is spoiler free and mostly positive. So let’s examine the large amount of things that worked in Bravely Default, starting with its combat.

Oblivion Adventures Part 17: Expected Surprises

Last time on Oblivion Adventures, orcish adventurer Shush’Ogar obtained a new job typical of his profession: recovering an ancient artifact. But not-so-shadowy forces are conspiring against him. Can our hero possibly survive this ordeal?! Are you kidding me? Are you not familiar with video games? Or serialized stories? Have you been paying ANY attention? Why even ask that question?! Sheesh, I swear, you readers. I’m not saying you’re stupid.

But you’re stupid.

S’razirr was scoping out the perimeter of his latest job. He was the first to arrive at the dilapidated ruins apparently named Malada. The set-up seemed simple enough. The door to the underground complex was surrounded by half-collapsed structures, in a clearing atop a steep hill. Plenty of cover, easy to box someone in, good place for an ambush. The khajiit grunted his approval and then hopped up the lower branches of a nearby tree overlooking the entrance. He nestled himself in the crook where the branch met the trunk and propped up his feet. S’razirr pulled a knife and a lump of bark out of his pocket and lazily started carving while he waited for the others.

For a while there was nothing but the early morning sounds of chirping birds and the gentle swaying of branches. S’razirr yawned and looked down at his idle carving. It was starting to look a bit like the face of his boss. The khajiit scowled and nailed the bark to the tree behind him. He sighed,  extracted the knife and pocketed it. Squinting up at the sun, it looked like he still had a while. His compatriots did not live close. He sat dozing in the tree, half-awake until he suddenly heard a sound.

*Splat*!