Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Introductory FAQ

    There are many interesting and appealing questions to ask in this world of ours. These are not those questions. Instead, they’re mostly questions relating to this blog, and what it’s about, and, in all probability, are not actually frequently asked.

Q: Did you really need those three sentences of introduction?

A: Shut up.

Q: So what is this blog about anyway?

A: Genericide is sort of a blog where I write about video games. I say ‘sort of’ because Genericide is actually a blog where I write about whatever the hell I want. However, what I want to write about is, roughly 95% of the time, related to video games.

Q: What exactly does “Genericide” mean?

A: Nothing! Fascinating, huh? It’s just a word that I made up that I found sounds cool, which happens to be handy given that every combination of actual words has some stake on the information super highway. The word is sort of a combination between the words ‘Generic’ and ‘Genocide’. Whether ‘Generic Genocide’ is a commentary on the same-y mooks you kill in video games, or the amusing contrast of just a run-of-the-mill, nothing special genocide, or something else entirely is up to you. It’s not particularly important to me, I just like the sound.

Q: Who exactly are you?

A: I am a human being, from the planet Earth. I have two eyes for perceiving visual phenomena, and two ears for perceiving the auditory variety. On top of my head there is some hair. I have several limbs which I use to-

Q: Okay knock it off, smart ass. What is your name?

A: Edward Richardson Ignacio Cooper Tiberius Octavius Damian Deville…probably.

Q: What is your quest?

A: I seek the Holy Grail.

Q: Okay, you get points for that one. What I was getting at earlier is why should I care about your opinions?

A: You probably shouldn’t, on reflection. Less flippantly, I’m writing on this blog primarily because I think it’ll be an enjoyable experience. If I can amuse and maybe even mildly inform some people at the same time as that, all the better.

Q: Because you are presenting opinions on the internet, I demand you produce credentials explaining why you’re opinions matter, or I shall immediately discount them.

A: That wasn’t a question. Please stick to the format, sir.

Q: Fine! Could you please do what I just demanded?

A: Better. Anyway, I shouldn’t really have to tell people why my opinions matter, because as previously stated you don’t have to care and can be inclined to disagree. However, I can always give you my basic background, and that basically consists of playing a lot of video games in my life. Like, a lot of video games. I don’t have the precise number at the moment, though I’ve considered creating a list. I also aspire to one day become a game designer, and thus try to pay attention to the underpinnings of what makes great games great and vice versa.

Q: How often will this blog update?

A: Whenever I feel like updating it. It will vary a lot depending on what I have going on in my real life and how much I feel like writing. So no matter what you shouldn’t expect new content or hold me to a date. However, I certainly don’t feel like abandoning this any time soon, so for the time being I’ll give the vague, extremely malleable ballpark of once a week or so.

Q: What types of video games do you play?

A: All of them! Well, most of them. I don’t play many sports games, or casual games. My favorite genres are RPGs, platformers, and the generic action/adventure category that describes the more difficult to categorize variety.

QQ: Stop right there! Quickly, you need to listen! I have to tell you something important!

Q: Wait what? How did you get in here? Who are you?

QQ: I’m you from the future, come to bring you a warning to save time! Very soon now, if we don’t stop it, the questions on this FAQ will become entirely too silly! I came back in time to stop you from dragging on with useless questions!

A: Interesting…

Q: Oh come now, that’s ridiculous! I don’t see the harm in asking a joke question or two, it makes things more interesting!

QQ:  That’s what I thought! But it turns out that it…uh…oh.

Q: What? What is it?

*QQ glumly pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to A, then leaves the room*

Q: What was that about?

A: I have no idea but he’s gone now. Why don’t you ask some of those questions you were talking about?

Q: Oh, uh, sure. Where is your secret cow level?

A: There is no secret cow level.

Q: Do you prefer chocolate or ice cream?

A: Yes.

Q: Where do you live?

A: Second star on the right and straight on until morning.

Q: What is a man?

A: A miserable pile of secrets!

Q: ?sdrawkcab gnidaer elbuort evah uoy oD

A: No.

Q: How do you type with boxing gloves on?

A: Carefully.

Q: Where did you hide the bodies!?

A: I’ll never tell you!

Q: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

A: How should I know?

Q: Wow, that guy was right; this is getting a bit silly.

A: Would you say too silly?

Q: I guess so.

A: Well I may have a solution to the problem. You see, I have this experimental time machine…

Q: Seriously? How the hell did you manage that?

A: Erm, science. I used copious amounts of science.

Q: Well this is great, I can go back and save us some time!

A: I guess, but honestly I don’t think it will work.

Q: You’re talking about what happened with that guy earlier in the FAQ? But hang on, who says time travel has to be pre-determined?

A: Ah, you think that it’s the kind of system where going back can change things that have happened, through alternate futures or something? Well I don’t.

Q: Well then why even bring it up? I think it’ll work! Come on, just give me a chance.

A: You seriously think time travel works like that?

Q: Yeah! I absolutely believe it does!

A: Then…care to make a wager…?

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