“…what? Oh…yeah. We’re, uh, all so interested in that. Please go on, we’re on the edge of our seats.”
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I normally am against shorter updates to this blog, but today I’m going to make an exception. No not because I’m being lazy, because it’s the one-year anniversary of the blog being made! That’s completely different! Anyway, to celebrate this event, I’m going to briefly go over what I’ve actually managed to accomplish in that time, because I’m sure all of you love reading self-congratulatory statistics about a strangers writing accomplishments on the internet.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Hero Man has had a difficult journey. His home village was burned down leaving no one but his plucky childhood love interest and himself left alive. He uncovered the ancient Sword of Stabbin’ Shit in a tomb filled with unruly undead. He recovered the Seven Seals of Seriously Significant Sorcery from all across the world. He’s performed hundreds of inane tasks in between, from rescuing kittens to killing rats to dealing with more fetch quests than any mortal man should ever have to see. He’s fought snakes and skeletons and sirens, demons and dragons and doppelgangers, Cyclops and cultists and centaurs, mummies and minotaurs and manticores and much much more. He’s been through hell and back, possibly literally, and is finally about to finish his epic quest. Atop of Mount Merciless, in the upper spire of the Castle of Catastrophe, our hero is finally about to put a stop to the evil sorcerer and save the entire world from his wrath, once and ffffffffffffffff-
-FFFUCK! I missed the jump again!
Depending on what type of game this is there are multiple possible outcomes as to what happens next. But if it’s an old-school game, I can sure as hell tell which outcome is most likely. And that’s that you won’t be getting to the conclusion of your quest without throwing at least half an hour of your life out the window. And if it’s me in this situation, then that half an hour won’t come until I muddle through a few minutes of muffled profanity, or alternatively just up and quit. Maybe I’ll come back, but maybe I won’t.
I don’t want to point any fingers, but the first half of this sentence is a bold-faced lie.
Monday, May 6, 2013
So it’s been a while since we’ve last laid eyes upon each other, internet. I thought about coming back from my over month-long absence in my…usual manner but upon reflection I realized that this would probably take a lot longer to write and would keep you waiting even longer, so in the interest of time I’ve decided to keep the update shorter for the present. I’ve been busy finishing up my most recent semester of college but celebrations are to be had because said semester is now over. I have a huge backlog of juicy, game-related updates to bring to all the good little girls and boys of the internet or failing that, I guess you guys. This combined with my new influx of free time should lead to a veritable flood of updates within the coming weeks and months.
…or at least, it will soon.
Now wait a second, I can explain, please put down the pitchforks…