But I’m not going to complain about the shackles of tradition while reaping the benefits. I had nothing to talk about this week. I haven’t played many games at all lately, let alone new ones. I’ve already had three Oblivion Adventures posts in a row. The quickest well to draw from for inspiration is the handy-dandy bucket of childhood rage. So we’re going to celebrate the holidays and their spirit of kindness by making fun of an online game from about a decade ago. Gather round boys and girls, we’re going to talk about DragonFable.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
On the last episode of Oblivion Adventures, our more-or-less hero Shush’Ogar was having vivid dreams. Someone else’s, to be precise. After vanquishing a host of nightmares and receiving some nightmarish compensation for his trouble, Shush set out yet again. We rejoin him as he travels through...hm. Where was he again?
Shush were very lost.
Shush were only one town away from visiting all de mage-y guilds in de whole Cyrodil an gettin into de fancy mage-y college. So Shush went down de road to de last town, along de river near de ocean. But den Shush got distracted by one of de bandits along de way an went further into de woods den normal. Den Shush saw some pretty flowers a bit more into de woods. Den Shush saw some more bandits to smash an...well, now Shush were having no idea where he was. Dere were definitely trees an stuff. Shush scratched his head, an had a great idea. Shush were makin a map before, so dat he could figure out where de stuff was in de places. Shush pulled de map outta his pack.
“Oooooh, now it are startin to make sense.”
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
[Normally I alternate different posts with Oblivion ones, but all my other ideas were half-baked by the time Wednesday rolled around, and I’ll be damned if I post a late update twice in a row. Side note: please forget about the update rate in the first three years of this blog.]
“Thank you so much for retrieving Ardaline’s staff! You’ve performed well and will have your recommendation.”
“Oh, it were real easy. All Shush had ta do was-“
“You needn’t tell me the details of what was involved in getting it. It’s perhaps better that I know nothing about it.”
“Oh, okay. Den Shush won’t tell nothin about it.”
Don’t worry folks, we’re really not missing much. One of the dullest of all mage’s guild quests, this one basically boils down to using a bunch of free charm scrolls to bypass persuade checks. I suppose it did culminate with me stealing a staff back from someone, but I didn’t even have to do that. I just wanted to make use of all those sneak points for once.
Shush turned to leave when de lizard lady dat ran dis guild spoke up again.
“Excuse me...Shush, was it? I was wondering if you could help me with something else.”
“Hey, dat’s no fair. You said Shush just had ta get de staff back an you’d give him de ricky-mandate-hun.”
“Oh don’t worry, you’ve already earned your recommendation. But if you’re interested in some further rewards, I have another job I need help with.”
“Rewards IS a gud ting” said Shush. Shush nodded. “Wot does you want Shush ta do?”
“It’s about my friend Henantier, I need help locating him. Would you please follow me to his house?”
So den Shush an de lizard lady walked out of de mage-y guild at Bra-ville an walked across de street to her friend’s house.
I quite like Bravil’s aesthetic of multi-level ramshackle huts. It adds some variety to the mostly generic medieval architecture. All the same, building the mage’s guild out of flimsy wood seems...unwise.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
In what used to be common practice but is now actually worth noting, this update is a bit late. Apologies to all my regular weekly readers, so basically just this one guy I know named Matt. A combination of sickness, holidays and personal procrastination moved back the post. I didn’t want to skip an entire week, so I’m trying to return to Wednesday updates. Hopefully this holds until at least the next holiday. Enjoy!
Saturday, November 21, 2015
As a general rule, I don’t like my writing to become too negative. I want to keep things positive and constructive enough that it eases the reading experience. I don’t want to sound like a petulant, whiny child. But it’s easier to talk about why something doesn’t work than why it’s good, and easier to make that fun to read. So you may experience some trepidation and brace yourself for the coming storm when I say...
Final Fantasy 4 is a good game.
But it is a good game. Final Fantasy 4 is a widely regarded classic. It had solid mechanics and a much more involved narrative than most games of its 1991 release. It influenced the rest of the series and an entire genre for years to come. I respect its legacy and even had fun replaying it. And yet we all know what’s coming, don’t we? You’ve all read the title of the article. I enjoyed Final Fantasy 4.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
A bright sun shone through a deep blue sky on an idyllic, Cyrodilic stretch of country road. Shafts of light trickled through the trees onto vivid seas of multi-colored flowers, casting a dreamy glow on the scene as insects chirped and butterflies fluttered past. Birds were softly singing, grass was swaying in the breeze, and mudcrabs were keeping to themselves far away from the worthwhile species of the world. All in all, it was a peaceful scene on a perfect day.
And then the flowers gave a muted “splat” as they were pelted with what looked like the fragmented remains of an eyeball.
“Have you ever considered using a less...messy weapon?” asked Martin as he gingerly stepped around the pooling blood of the seventh wolf corpse today.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Video games, like any artistic medium, are highly subjective in quality. Reviews try to objectify their critique as much as possible, neatly placing positive and negative features on both sides of a scale and extracting the numeric solution. But games are more than the sum of their parts, because every person weights these pros and cons separately. If you really hate something a game does, you may dislike it even if it’s widely adored. If a game feature scratches an itch like no other, you may engage subconscious blinders that keep you from seeing the roiling sea of feces surrounding your island of enjoyment. This phenomenon inspired me to start what may become a reoccurring feature on this site. Or not! Consummate professional that I am, I haven’t planned that far ahead. Regardless, it’s called Why Do I Enjoy This, or Why DIET if ur dwn w abbrevs.
Simply put, I’m going to examine mediocre games and determine specific things they do really well and/or really poorly. This gauntlet of guilty gaming pleasures begins with Dragonball Xenoverse. Dragonball Xenoverse, released back in February this year, is an aggressively average game. Yet it sold a huge number of copies (over 2.5 million) and was met with a generally positive response. I heard of the game. I knew how mediocre it was, and yet I bought it on a Steam sale. I proceeded to play it for over a couple dozen hours. A completely valid question to ask at this point is: Why? Am I just an easy-to-please simpleton?
Well I found this image hilarious, so that gives away the answer.
Yes, but we’ll have to go into a little more detail.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Little notice before we start. I played an indie game this week called Undertale. I heard of its release over a month ago, but was too busy to play it. From what I heard, I expected it to be some fantastic triumph of a game that I would remember for years to come. It was. The combat is fun, the writing is fantastic, the music is excellent, and it has its own style not quite like anything else. I don’t yet have enough to say on it to fill an article, so I’m saying here: Undertale is an amazing game and I sincerely recommend people play it. We now return to your regularly scheduled rushed holiday special.
“Well it looks like we’re stuck here for a while” said Martin glumly, sittin down on de curb next to Shush.
It were just after Shush an Martin left de inn at Skin-guard. When Shush had gone to da gate de guards said dey couldn’t pass. A wanderin herd a cows was blockin de gate an dey needed some time to shoo dem away. Since Martin seemed a bit grumpy bout dat, Shush tried to cheer de guy up.
“Hey, Shush have an idea!”
“And what would that be?”
“We can tell each other scurry stories ta pass de time!”
Friday, October 23, 2015
On our last installment of Shush’Ogar’s adventures, he single-handedly stopped an army of vicious demons from destroying what was left of the city of Kvatch. That he was partially to blame for their attack isn’t worth focusing on. We return as he enters the town chapel, hoping to find what he came searching for in the first place...
“Ey! Any of de people here named Martin?!” yelled Shush.
De people inside looked up all surprised at dat, prob’bly cause Shush weren’t not a demon guy. A dark-skinned lady in guard clanky clothes walked up to Shush an de captain Savvy-lion.
“Gods above, I thought I’d never see another friendly face! I don’t know who you are, but-“
“Are you Martin?”
De lady gave Shush a funny look. “Martin isn’t typically a name for women, no. Brother Martin is back near the altar there if you’re looking for him.”
Shush left de confused lookin lady to talk to de captain an walked over to Martin.
“H-hello?” he said as Shush got close. “I head you calling my name, how do you know it?”
“Hey, yeh Shush were lookin for ya. You’re de priesty guy Martin?”
For some reason I’m getting the impression that he’s a priest.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Were you readers sick of me constantly rambling about out-of-date relics? Well that’s about to change! As the enormous logo above this text indicates, I recently played through the latest Legend of Zelda game: A Link Between Worlds. So now I’m finally going to review a current and up-to-date...wait, what’s that? A Link Between Worlds came out when? November 2013?!
Wow, that must be almost as recent as the moon landing, huh? Why are you looking at that?
Okay, I’m pulling your leg on this one. There are many things I fail to keep up to date on, but the Legend of Zelda is not one of them. I played A Link Between Worlds back when it came out two years ago and had a fantastic time. I didn’t write about it then, but a couple things pushed me to play through it again recently. Having just completed Phantom Hourglass, I had a Zelda-shaped opening in my games backlog. A Link Between Worlds has a type of new game+ called Hero Mode, where all the enemies hit harder, and I’d never gotten around to trying it. A let’s play channel I watch called Game Grumps was also starting a playthrough of the game. Last but not least, exactly one week from this post marks the release of the newest Zelda game, Triforce Heroes.
As with any recent, popular game, there’s not much I can say about A Link Between Worlds that hasn’t been said before. But even though it’s easier to discuss things I dislike, I want to get a little positivity in here. So instead of rambling about my least favorite Zelda games, let’s talk about an awesome one. A Link Between Worlds is one of my favorites in the series, and therefore among the greatest games I’ve ever played. I think it’s outright the best in 2D Zelda (and consequently, handheld Zelda). It is a wonderfully crafted gaming experience and I’m going to do my best to describe why.
Friday, October 9, 2015
When we last left off our valiant, noble and extremely competent hero Shush’Ogar had just reached the city of Kvatch. It was currently a maelstrom of fire and ash. A bloodstained hellscape whose bleached land was barren of all life and hope. A hideous vortex of thrashing teeth, dismembered bodies and howling demons from which nothing could escape.
Shush may have had something to do with this.
Friday, October 2, 2015
This entry is a little late, but I had a busy week and a birthday to contend with. I sat around playing games, ate a bunch, and then sat around playing games in a food coma. It was great. Besides, if you look at the history of this blog, the real anomaly is that I have a regular update schedule to miss in the first place. So you should probably be in awe of how far I’ve come, and showering me with praise and money. And free ice cream. And while you’re out, would it kill you to buy me a birthday present? Also, I think we’re running low on milk and...I feel I’ve gotten off track here.
Sorry, I don’t get paid enough free ice cream to stay on topic.
It should be clear from my several other articles, I really like the Legend of Zelda. Unfortunately, there’s a trend in the Zelda games I’ve reviewed on this blog. I’ve only been writing articles on the games I’ve played through recently, and it stands to reason that the last Zelda games I’d bother to beat are the ones I have the least drive to do so. I played Zelda: Phantom Hourglass when it first came out back in 2007. I gave up midway through and recall feeling frustrated about it. This is odd because reviews for the game praise it a lot. Were those outlets too caught up in the hype of a new console and the well-known series pedigree? Having finally replayed it to the end, was I wrong? Or did I feel the guilty pleasure of validated complaints, like in Zelda 2?
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Last we left off on Oblivion Adventures, stalwart spirit slayer Shush’Ogar invested in some bad real estate. After purging poltergeists from his property, he slipped off to sleep. As for what he encountered next...
Shush yawned an rubbed his face. Shush guessed dat he had dozed off for a bit dere. Shush checked around him to make sure everyting was de same as before. Dere was a table of people drinkin in fronta Shush, an he was sittin on a throne made of rainbow colored skulls. Dey were all sittin on top of one a dose flat boats in de river, which was all red an bloody. Sometimes bits of crab shells bobbed in de water as dey passed.
Yup, everyting normal dere.
Monday, September 21, 2015
[NOTE: This article has an absolutely enormous amount of song links. You may want to reserve reading it for a time when your ears are available.]
Though not a rule, I generally don’t review current, popular games here on this blog. The reason for this is the same that I’m confronted with trying to talk about Final Fantasy 6: Everything I could say has already been said. The music of Final Fantasy and series composer Nobuo Uematsu is some of the most publicly beloved in all of video games. For many people, Final Fantasy 6 is the highlight of his musical career. In spite of my love of game music and some previous experience as a musician, I’m no music critic. Far more qualified and knowledgeable people have spoken on these songs. No matter how I try, this post will never be anything close to definitive. It may not be all that deep or insightful.
But sometimes, as someone who produces creative or critical content, you just have to accept that. I’m not writing this post to be the one true post to rule them all. I’m writing it because I love this music, I want to share this music, and I want to talk about this music. With any luck, what I lack in technical knowledge can be made up for in enthusiasm.
So first, let’s follow up that introduction with a second one.
“Oh, no yeah that’s cool. I love introductions. Who even needs real content, let’s just have an article full of those.”
Saturday, September 19, 2015
I am no expert on narrative critique. No objective authority on how to craft a story. This post I’m going to explain what makes good writing as though it were objective fact, because to do otherwise would diminish my point. This is something that no one else would make a disclaimer for, but I’m slowly weaning myself off my crippling addiction to qualifying statements, so cut me some slack on this one. I’ve only been writing this blog for over three years, surely I’ll get better at it eventually.
Today we’re going to talk about the story to Final Fantasy 6. Specifically, we’re going to talk about why I think it’s well-written and engaging, despite having notable problems. Many issues I have with it stem from length more than anything else. I want more development on this character, or more banter and interaction between characters, or more exploration of some concept in the world. Curious and looking to confirm a suspicion, I found a transcript of all the game’s dialogue up on the internet. It came out to about 18,000 words, not counting optional interactions with non-player characters.
So it’s about half the length of one of my articles? HEY-OOOOOO!
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Wow, we’ve sure had a lot of Oblivion here lately. It’s a big change of pace for me, both because I’m updating regularly and because the game is only 9 years old. That’s way too current for me. Next thing you know I’ll actually be covering current news and things that are relevant to reader’s interests! I can only imagine how horrible such a future would be. What’s next, having loving and supportive fans with whom I share a healthy and non-abusive relationship? Gross.
“We love you Genericide!”
“Ugh, go away weirdos, your positive reinforcement is unsettling! I bet you don’t even enjoy bad fan fiction!”
So this week we’re going to take a break from the 9 year old game to talk about one over 20 years old, Final Fantasy 6. Final Fantasy is one of the most well-known franchises in video games, and defined an entire sub-genre, the JRPG (Japanese Role-Playing Game). Final Fantasy 6 was the last of the main series to use 2D sprites instead of 3D models. It was also the last to appear on a Nintendo console, showing up in America as Final Fantasy 3. (Due to lesser sales, many early games weren’t released outside Japan until later).
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
On the last installment of Oblivion Adventures, escort exterminator Shush’Ogar stomped stalking strumpets to stop them stealing stupendous amounts of gold. We rejoin him after this encounter, as he rolls back into town.
Shush was kinda tired on account of not sleepin de past few days. He was especially tired cause he had like fifty of dese skulls to carry around. It was okay doe, Shush had a special condition dat let him not sleep way longer den normal, somethin about most of his brain bein in-sul-a-tion. But Shush figured he could use a break. So Shush sat down at de bar an ate an drank some stuff for a bit. While Shush was doin dat, a guy came over to Shush lookin kinda nervous. De guy kept givin quick looks to Shush’s belt, which was where Shush were keepin all de big bags a gold he kept gettin.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Last time we saw Shush’Ogar, he came to the coast city of Anvil, wandered into the mage’s guild, secured a membership, secured all their stuff, secured all their riches by selling their stuff back to them, then secured a job to defeat a rogue mage. The task was quickly completed, securing him a recommendation. We rejoin our protagonist outside the guild hall...
Shush wasn’t sure wot ting he was gonna do next. Shush knew dat he needed to visit a buncha places to get more better mage-y stuff, but dose other places were far away. Plus, Shush felt like dere was another ting he was s’posed to do dat he was forgettin. Shush were walkin down de street tryin to figure out wot dat was when he overheard some people talkin.
“Yeah, it sounds like Maelona is getting pretty desperate about it.”
“Well I would be too, if I were her. ‘Course I’d probably try and get money out of a divorce settlement rather than paying strangers from my own pocket.”
Shush wasn’t always de best at listenin, but he was real gud at hearin about people payin him. Shush walked up to de people talkin.
“Did you say somethin about people payin strangers for stuff?” Shush said.
“Oh, um, hello sir. Yes, the couple down the street” de man pointed as he talked “was having some trouble with the local gang. You know...the all-female one? They’re willing to pay-“
“Dat’s all Shush needed to hear.”
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Last time on our adventures in Tamriel, Shush’Ogar learned the subtleties of armor repair; took a treasure hunting job from a man whose hair could house several families of bird; and delivered a sacred artifact to someone in exchange for an important mission he didn’t really listen to. He then took a boat to the coast to continue his quest. This is arguably cheating because moving boats don’t actually exist in this game, but so what it’s a metaphor for fast travel shut up. Having successfully snuck that one by you, I’m going to get back to Shush before you take issue with it.
It took about a day for Shush to get to de coast city. When de boat got close to de town, Shush saw dere was a guard waiting for dem. When de boat wot Shush took hit land Shush got up, scratched his arm and walked up to de guard guy.
“Greetings citizen, welcome to Anvil. Can I offer you any directions?”
“Uh...did you say Anvil?”
The city of Anvil, where Shush was definitely probably supposed to go.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Last time on Oblivion Adventures, smash-hit salesman Shush’Ogar struck scores of skeletons and sketchy sell-swords, taking tons of treasure to trek towards town, prompting a peaceful proprietor to propose probable paths of practicing proficient peddling. And afterwards...
Shush stepped outta de shop feelin pretty gud about all de sellin stuff he did. Shush were gettin lotsa shiny gold pieces for all de glowy stones he found. Shush wasn’t sure what to do wit all de gold doe. Den Shush had an idea. Cause see Shush’s clanky clothes got all banged up from all de skeletons an stuff, an it was real uncomfortable. So Shush found a buildin wit a picture of clanky clothes on it, an he went inside.
The shop in question, notable for looking exactly like every other shop in the imperial city.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Last time we left our supposedly sneaky orc Shush’Ogar, he had stumbled out of jail, collected skulls, stumbled out of goblin caves, witnessed the assassination of an emperor, and stumbled out of a sewer. The moment when you walk out from the tutorial into the light of a wide-open world to explore is always great in Bethesda games. An interesting thing to note about Oblivion is that though you can go anywhere and do as you like at this point, the game starts you off pointed straight at a dungeon. Specifically, an ancient ruin named Vilverin.
There’s a sleeping bandit right out of view behind the wall. I know this dungeon uncomfortably well.
This dungeon was one of the first things I experienced playing an Elder Scrolls game, and I wager the same was true for many others. It’s a good introductory dungeon too, as it has a fair bit of variety and can make you an obscene amount of money for a level one character. As such, it’s been an unofficial tradition of mine to plunder the place as my first independent act with new characters. Now dungeons can be kind of same-y and lacking in unique commentary, so we’ll skip or summarize some in this play-through. But for at least this first one, I’ll make an exception.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
NOTE: This post is a game design interlude not directly connected to my written Let’s Play of Oblivion. If you don’t care about this sort of thing, you can skip it. But if you like painfully detailed discussions of in-game mechanics, gosh golly gee are you in for a treat.
So before we continue the adventures of Shush’Ogar, there’s something I need to address. In the first episode of this series, as well as future episodes, I’m trying to mix in discussions of game design along with humorous play-by-plays. This is all well and good for most things, as Oblivion has a lot of weird and amusing quirks to it. However, there is one subject in Oblivion that is too massive an issue. There’s one giant, messy problem with the game that I want to dedicate an entire post to properly discuss. This one thing, this near fatal flaw is my biggest issue with Oblivion. It bolsters many of the lesser problems in the game and is the number one reason I can't consider Oblivion the best Elder Scrolls game. So what could this flaw possibly be?
Today, we’re going to talk about leveling up in Oblivion.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
When it comes to what I do in my free time and even just the games I play, there’s a lot of content that never gets a proper blog post here. I understand that given my recent update rate, this information has gone from “kind of obvious assumption” to “something so clearly and blatantly apparent that all human children instinctively know it at birth”. But I want to make this clear all the same. I play all sorts of video games that I never see fit to write lengthy articles about. Typically this is some combination of having nothing interesting to say and/or the game being so popular and documented that everything I could say has been said.
An example of this phenomenon is Bethesda games. Bethesda is probably best known for The Elder Scrolls series; a succession of massive open-world action RPGs most recently featuring the extremely popular Skyrim. I’ve sunk many hundreds of hours into the company’s more recent games, starting with The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Even though this game is the second most recent in the series it’s already almost a decade old. Bethesda made games before this, but they’ve generally been rated M and when I was younger I had what was less of a computer and more one of Charles Babbages new-fangled abacuses.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
After the expected amount of break time, we now return from being a blog exclusively about thinly-veiled satire to a blog exclusively about The Legend of Zelda. You may be wondering why I’m reviewing so many Zelda games lately. Have I perhaps elected to become some type of sage Zelda hermit, living alone out in the mountains where I do nothing but meditate, play Zelda games and look meaningfully at the morning sun through my grizzled beard? Well, no. I wouldn’t be complaining if someone paid me to do that, but no.
You see, I had been playing Four Swords Adventures for a while before the Youtube show Game Grumps reminded me of my past frustrations with Zelda 2. After completing these two games, I realized there was only one game out of all seventeen in the main series that I hadn’t played. I owned and had played every Zelda game except one: The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap. Well, it turned out that The Minish Cap was available for purchase on the Wii U digital store, and I had a gift card for said digital store. So I hope you like these Zelda reviews, because I’m in too deep to NOT go over this game.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
We here at Genericide have been enthusiastic to bring you the best in gaming content the past few years. Today, we want to announce to you a bold new direction Genericide is embarking in to improve the site like you could never imagine. As of today, Genericide is shifting focus to be a better service of quality games content than ever before! We want to be your one-stop shop for all things video games, and are bringing the quality content to back it up!
Our team has been working round the clock on this new wave of streamlined content designed specifically for you. These changes will allow not only maintain that classic Genericide quality our viewers are used to experiencing, but a ton more epic news, columns and entertainment pieces than ever before! We’re so dedicated to this content push that our team has prepared a whole 10 new articles available for you right now! So kick back, relax, and enjoy the all-new, awesome content display we have here at Genericide Entertainment! Don’t forget to share these great new posts on social media!
If you like our stuff at Genericide Entertainment, be sure to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler, Reddit, Google+, Instagram, Myspace, DeviantArt and AOL Instant Messaging.
[This page is a work of parody]
We all have those times when we need to relax, kick back and smoke some drugs. But video game characters are not supposed to smoke the drugs! That would be totally crazy and random, right? But it turns out they do smoke the drugs, which is what these images are about!
Genericide Entertainment is sad to announce today that will be losing one of our staff members, Eric Todd. You may remember Eric Todd as the founder of this site back in its original incarnation as Genericide, although probably not because this is actually the first time he’s mentioned his name on the blog. We here at Genericide Entertainment admire his legacy and the groundwork he set out for us, but due to creative differences and internal problems he regrettably had to part ways with the rest of the staff. In an interview on his last day of work, Eric was quoted as saying “What is even going on today?! How and why are you people taking over my personal blog? It’s not even that popular, each post gets two-dozen views that are like one hundred percent google searches, why me?!” Truly prolific words for us to remember him by.
However, Eric’s passing does not at all change the mission statement of this site. We will continue to provide awesome gaming content of all kinds for your 24/7, and none of it written by lame long-winded people! We look forward to your continued support.
Hey, did Eric’s tragic passing get you in a mood to laugh at silly cats? Try taking a look at 9 Cats That Don’t Give a Fuck, And Also Video Games Are Involved Somehow. Feeling more like you want to read something boring and socially responsible? Then you should try reading Why Femi-nazis and Tumblr are Ruining Gaming.
If you like our stuff at Genericide Entertainment, be sure to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler, Reddit, Google+, Instagram, Myspace, DeviantArt and AOL Instant Messaging.
[This page is a work of parody]
Everybody loves cats, and everybody loves video games. The logical thing for us to do was combine the two! The cats don’t seem all that interested though, but that just makes them all the funnier!
This cat would please like you to leave him alone so he can keep playing handheld games. Hilarious! #SoFunny #OMGKitty #MeowtendoDS
We all love gaming here at Genericide Entertainment, and I’m sure you readers do to. I mean gaming is like the digital equivalent of home-made pie and newborn puppies, and you love those things, don’t you? Of course you do! We all love video games, and we’ve loved video games a long time, which is why it surprises me that some of us are willing to let video games just roll over and die.
That’s right, the death of video games is upon us. And it’s not from big publishers or the market crashing again or the latest Sonic the Hedgehog game. No, what’s causing the death of video games is feminists.
Games have come a long way from the original Nintendo where everything started. They’ve added stunningly realistic gameplay and graphics, but have they lost something along the way? They definitely have, and I’ll tell you what it is we’re willing to trade for pretty visuals.
The video games industry has a lot to answer for. In addition to perpetuating all sorts of horrible practices in regards to violence and other offensive material, it’s particularly bad about sexism. You’re probably nodding your head at this point, thinking of all the times you’ve seen a video game portray female characters in a negative light. That’s a good point, you think, it’s a good thing you’re not part of the problem. Well guess what, asshole? You are DEAD WRONG.
After our last crazy drugfest with our video game buddies, we looked around and found even more! So here are 7 more gaming heroes who can’t resist stopping their world saving quests to take a toke!
We all like video games, but there’s some surprises lying below the surface of these games. The classic world of Super Mario Bros is one of the most beloved video game universes of all time, but there are some really dark implications you’ve never considered behind it. I’m gonna give you the scoop, and inform you of some of this seedy underbelly neither you or anyone else has ever thought about before...
There’s an age old debate that rages throughout video gaming history, since the dawn of time, and boy is it a stupid one. For years people have debated whether video game consoles are superior to personal computers, as though that was actually an argument you could have. These sheeple refuse to realize the evidence that’s right in front of their noses. PC has always been the better choice over consoles, and the only reason some think otherwise is because some of the glorious PC gaming master race are polite enough to humor them. But if you give them an inch they take a mile, and so for years the less intelligent among gamers have been duped by simple tricks that console manufacturers are using to pull the wool over their eyes. I’m going to set the record straight and reveal some of those so you can all just admit you’re wrong already.
Video games are a medium we all love here at Genericide Entertainment, as I’m sure you do too. But dear readers, there is a troubling trend that can be seen lately in the games industry. People reporting on games took a while to hit their stride, and it seems their juvenile beginnings are showing once again. There are cries all across the industry of game reviewers not reviewing games properly or even getting paid off for giving their reviews a certain score. Genericide Entertainment does its best to be the moral watchdogs of the gaming community, and will assuredly cover absolutely any rumors of corruption in games as soon as it hits, repeatedly over and over until a verdict is reached. But we worry that even our guiding presence won’t be enough.
Even fantastic games, like The Last of Us, don’t seem to get 100s on Metacritic. Highly suspicious.
Monday, March 30, 2015
There’s a certain trend to how things go around this blog. First, I will write about a game I have played or a game design topic I want to talk about, or so on. Next, I will think of another thing I want to write about, likely concerning a game I’m currently playing or just finished. However, when I consider writing about said subject, I will think: “Hey, I did just do a post, so I don’t have to necessarily write about this other thing this very second. I’m sure I can put it off for just a little bit, but any day now I –“
Then, at least month passes seemingly instantaneously.
Such is this case with this game. If I recall correctly, I beat The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures within a week of Zelda 2, around the same time I did my review of the latter. However, the usual cycle occurred and, though I surely didn’t intend for it, we’re now over a month out. But I’m finally writing this damn thing, so enough introductions! Now allow me to introduce this game.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Liking or even loving The Legend of Zelda series is not a unique claim on the internet. For those of you unaware (side note: how the hell did you end up on a blog about video games?), The Legend of Zelda series is one of the most popular and well-received game franchises of all time. On the list of best-selling game franchises it’s currently only 20th place [source]. I know, surprised me too, but I’d guess quantity has a lot to do with it, as well as games selling more in general as time goes on. Since these games started coming out in the mid-80s, before aggregate sites like Metacritic existed (for better or worse), it’s impossible to get average review scores across the whole series. However, I would be willing to bet money that if you could take average review scores from each Zelda game and then averaged the whole series, it would be better received than any other game franchise (with at least a few entries, because averages) in history.
Put another way, I don’t think there is a single series of video games more universally beloved than The Legend of Zelda. There are series that sell more, series that get more publicity, and plenty of individual games that score as well as it. But many of the other biggest game series are divisive. Final Fantasy, Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, Sonic the Hedgehog...these are all series of games that have people who really like them and some who really despise them. But I’ve never really seen people hate The Legend of Zelda. Oh, such people exist, sure. No need to show me examples, I’ve been on the internet before. But at worst, people typically just seem ambivalent towards it. And at best people really, really love it.
Why am I explaining this to you? I’m telling you because I love The Legend of Zelda. It is quite possibly my favorite game series of all time. I am a person who owns and has played several hundred games, many of them regarded as fantastic masterpieces. And yet if you asked me what my favorite games of all time were, I guarantee that multiple Zelda games would be near the top of the list. But despite this, I haven’t actually talked about Zelda games much at all in my time writing for this blog. Why is that?
Was it alien tampering? I bet it was alien tampering. It’s the only rational explanation.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
So it's become a sort of tradition for me to supply this blog with my finished (and I use that word lightly) stories from my creative writing classes. Though there are some I'd like to keep locked up in the metaphorical Disney Vault for the time being, I have enough meek, fragile confidence in this one that I'll deign to show it to the internet at large. Besides, its been two weeks since an update and for normal people that constitutes an update drought. For me it constitutes a slight lull in the rampaging rapids of overflowing update-water, but that's besides the point. The point is, hopefully you'll enjoy this short story.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
In a sleepy little village out in the countryside, a young boy yawns awake, stretching in the morning sun. He groggily dresses himself and stumbles outside to check the mail. It is at this point that he glimpses a lone figure riding in on the horizon. The boy squints, and when he recognizes the special mailman his eyes widen in surprise and his face lights up. Tripping slightly in his haste to turn around, he rushes back around the corner to his house and bursts through the door.
“Papa!” yells the little boy. “Papa, Mama, come quick come quick!”
The father of this young lad creaked open his door, looking disgruntled and rubbing his face. “Alphonse, why must you wake us so early on a holiday?” he said.
“I saw him!” said Alphonse, bouncing on the heels of his feet. “I saw him Papa, I saw the special mailman!”