Well here we are again. I
sure am glad I one-hundred percent committed to absolutely bringing home heaps
of fresh content every week. Imagine, if I hadn’t decided I was gripping
punctuality by the horns and breaking my pelvis riding it, I would’ve been
disappointed by this lack of content all alone. Now we can all be disappointed
in me together! It will be a beautiful bonding experience. We can all hit a piƱata
of me until it breaks open, revealing nothing because I am very subtle at
metaphor. Then I’ll realize no one actually came to the get-together because
like three people read these things and I never sent out invites to the
impromptu metaphorical pity party beforehand. After this realization I’ll sob
softly to myself in the corner. So you know, an average week but now I’m
writing it down!
Overblown comedic
self-deprecation aside, I do have some legitimate excuses for where my time
went. Sadly they’re not crime fighting. I’ve been trying to suck less at things
creatively, and to this end I’ve resolved to suck at them a little bit at a
time every day. This is the first week since getting a job I’ve actually
written out a schedule and attempted some creative feat daily. Only one or two
hours of the stuff, but trying to write on top of that is even more difficult than
usual and I’m still dragging my feet about it all like a cinderblock-shoed
mountain climber.
Fret not, my loyal congregation
of faithful readers: a solitary ray of glimmering hope descends from on high!
Well, not literally, it’s like past 9PM and pretty dark outside. Actually,
maybe literally in your case, I can’t regulate your reading until the adoption
forms have gone through proper channels. You could read these blog updates atop
the sun-bleached peaks of the mountains of ethereal phoenix farts, for all I
know. The point is that all you lucky viewers who aren’t my desperate imaginary
friends are getting the barest shred of actual substance from this post: I have
status updates!
GENERICIDE ENTERPRISES INC BUSINESS-TYPE ORGANIZATION STATUS:
NEXT OBLIVION POST: Partially complete, at a little under 2k words.
Hopefully up next week. Like
seriously, so much hope.
THE POST AFTER THE NEXT OBLIVION POST: You think I plan that far
ahead?
THE END OF THIS ARTICLE: I dunno, like a couple hundred more words?
THE END OF THIS HALF-BAKED STATUS UPDATE JOKE: Yeah now seems about
right.
Okay, so when I said I
had status updates I may have been, uh, over-pluralizing a bit. As I said last
week, I’m not sure how consistent updates more substantial than ethereal
phoenix farts will be. Even though I mentioned I’m doing creative work, I’m
keeping the lid on those airtight. They’re unfocused, uninteresting to discuss,
and slower than a cinderblock-shoed climber tackling geriatric molasses
mountain. Pretty sure that’s right across from the phoenix one in my absurd
metaphorical head-canon.
Besides, take it from an
expert, being disappointed in me really takes it out of you! It would be
irresponsible of me to give you the scoop on all my screw-ups and tucker
yourselves out. So stick to being ashamed of my update rate for the time being,
that’s enough hate-homework for now. With any luck I won’t have any new
assignments for you next week.
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