Well here we are again. I sure am glad I one-hundred percent committed to absolutely bringing home heaps of fresh content every week. Imagine, if I hadn’t decided I was gripping punctuality by the horns and breaking my pelvis riding it, I would’ve been disappointed by this lack of content all alone. Now we can all be disappointed in me together! It will be a beautiful bonding experience. We can all hit a piñata of me until it breaks open, revealing nothing because I am very subtle at metaphor. Then I’ll realize no one actually came to the get-together because like three people read these things and I never sent out invites to the impromptu metaphorical pity party beforehand. After this realization I’ll sob softly to myself in the corner. So you know, an average week but now I’m writing it down!
Overblown comedic self-deprecation aside, I do have some legitimate excuses for where my time went. Sadly they’re not crime fighting. I’ve been trying to suck less at things creatively, and to this end I’ve resolved to suck at them a little bit at a time every day. This is the first week since getting a job I’ve actually written out a schedule and attempted some creative feat daily. Only one or two hours of the stuff, but trying to write on top of that is even more difficult than usual and I’m still dragging my feet about it all like a cinderblock-shoed mountain climber.
Fret not, my loyal congregation of faithful readers: a solitary ray of glimmering hope descends from on high! Well, not literally, it’s like past 9PM and pretty dark outside. Actually, maybe literally in your case, I can’t regulate your reading until the adoption forms have gone through proper channels. You could read these blog updates atop the sun-bleached peaks of the mountains of ethereal phoenix farts, for all I know. The point is that all you lucky viewers who aren’t my desperate imaginary friends are getting the barest shred of actual substance from this post: I have status updates!
GENERICIDE ENTERPRISES INC BUSINESS-TYPE ORGANIZATION STATUS:
NEXT OBLIVION POST: Partially complete, at a little under 2k words. Hopefully up next week. Like seriously, so much hope.
THE POST AFTER THE NEXT OBLIVION POST: You think I plan that far ahead?
THE END OF THIS ARTICLE: I dunno, like a couple hundred more words?
THE END OF THIS HALF-BAKED STATUS UPDATE JOKE: Yeah now seems about right.
Okay, so when I said I had status updates I may have been, uh, over-pluralizing a bit. As I said last week, I’m not sure how consistent updates more substantial than ethereal phoenix farts will be. Even though I mentioned I’m doing creative work, I’m keeping the lid on those airtight. They’re unfocused, uninteresting to discuss, and slower than a cinderblock-shoed climber tackling geriatric molasses mountain. Pretty sure that’s right across from the phoenix one in my absurd metaphorical head-canon.
Besides, take it from an expert, being disappointed in me really takes it out of you! It would be irresponsible of me to give you the scoop on all my screw-ups and tucker yourselves out. So stick to being ashamed of my update rate for the time being, that’s enough hate-homework for now. With any luck I won’t have any new assignments for you next week.