Friday, August 19, 2016

Genericide Update: Rocket Surgeons are Useless

There are some men who achieve great deeds in their lifetimes. Some have spent their life toiling the pursuit of charity and goodwill. Some champion political causes for the betterment of mankind. Some sharpen their skills every day so they may become unparalleled masters of their respective crafts. Some journey where no men have gone before, across the reaches of space, time and our own human psyche.

Me? I have a working, up-to-date computer. CLOSE ENOUGH.

Yes, it was a long an arduous struggle, but I finally conquered the realm of incredibly basic DIY PC hardware. Please, hold your applause and complementary ice cream crates until the end of the blog post. But as a famous man once said, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Another man once said “Stop quoting broad properties of scientific fields as though they apply to your every individual situation, you hack.” But that man wasn’t famous, so his opinions are stupid and we don’t care.

Speaking of things stupid things that you don’t care about: excuses! This week is a pretty predictable, straightforward issue honestly. I’ve just acquired a new computer for the first time in six years, and the first desktop I’ve ever owned. I actually already bought Dark Souls 3 and Fallout 4 during the Steam summer sale in advance. It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to figure out how I spent my last weekend. Granted, it doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to do a lot of things. Rocket surgeons are kinda useless.

There has been some progress on upcoming articles for the mysterious Super Paper Mario game that could be anything but is also definitely Super Paper Mario. But these literary baby steps are nothing compared to the avalanche of descriptive debris that piles up in drifts around my typical prose. Me like to write lots of the word sentences, be what I saying. And I assure you that I will softly yet diligently flagellate my conscious until my work ethic remembers it exists and gets off its ass. But for the time being, that work ethic is buried under a mountain of metaphorical distractions and urgent appointments that it simply cannot ignore.

…so what I’m saying is I’m going to go play some more Dark Souls 3 and Fallout 4.

An update is reasonably likely next week, and there’s a decent chance that it’ll lead to several weeks of updates on the same topic in a row. Let’s say a 50% chance. Yeah, that’s a nice, round number with a pleasingly low amount of accountability attached. We’ll go with that.

...what, were you expecting a stronger sign-off? I’d tell you to adjust your future expectations, but I’m too busy hammering on my Fallout 4 shortcut.

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