Last time, on my surprise Pokemon Black 2 Nuzlocke: My limited critter inventory near-doubled by dipping my face in a sewer; bug boss Burgh demonstrated the finest art: jobbing; and no one died for good in the challenge where things die for good. I’d speculate that surely I’ll be able to keep that up as the game gets harder, but I don’t want to have to post the foreshadowing image again. Next on our trek through the U.S. inspired Unova region is the well-known desert just outside New York City. Here we battle a friendly scientist named Colress. He’s researching the best way to draw strength out of Pokemon, a highly innocent goal with zero possible oh wow I do this bit a lot don’t I?
In what shouldn’t be a surprising statement, there’s not much of note in the desert. But there are a couple optional areas to snag some new cannon-fodder-and-slash-or-treasured-family-select-appropriate. First we have Sambabmas the Maractus, a thoroughly forgettable Grass-type whose saving grace is already being fully evolved and matching up well into the next couple gyms. But even better for the upcoming Electric-type gym would be the Electric-immune, Ground-type Sandshrew. It could almost single-handedly solve our next boss fight, so of course we get the only other option, Gravevarg the Yamask.
The Bee’s Knees
We arrive next at Nimbasa City, a thriving entertainment hub with such attractions as sports stadiums with trainers I’ll be rematching daily to farm cash, or a musical theather I forgot existed until exactly this moment when I checked the wiki. Speaking of things I didn’t realize until now, I’ve just been informed that the ferris wheel headlining Nimbasa’s amusement park is called the Rondez-View. I don’t even have a joke for that, that’s just great. Back in Black/White, this ferris wheel is where you had a fateful conversation with the mysterious N, who revealed he was actually the leader of the region’s foremost terrorist group Team Plasma. In this game, it’s where a large bearded man cries to me about his ex.
Now that we’ve seen all the sights Nimbasa has to offer, including an overhead view while uncomfortably disassociating, all that’s left is gym. Which means...it’s time to leave! There are still a few new areas east and west of the city where we can do more recruiting in preparation. Two of these areas have an identical pool of fairly interesting creatures, and instead of any of those we get Sweepeews the Minccino. However: most Nuzlockes use a duplicates clause, allowing you to look for another encounter rather than something you’ve already caught. Since there’s an identical group nearby I’m guaranteed something more interesting...unless of course I accidentally run into rare shaking grass again and get the 5% shaking grass encounter of Scarfracs the Cinccino.
Not only is this objectively the least likely outcome, it’s also objectively the worst. Since Cinccino is an evolution of Minccino it’s technically a different Pokemon and ambiguous if dupes apply. Since I’d already caught Audino my only other shaking grass option was the twice as likely Emolga, who covers two useful types I haven’t found yet. On the plus side, my new Normal-type chinchillas are known for being tidy and grooming one another with their fluffy tails. This will be useful for sweeping off the dust they gather in my box all game.
Fortunately our last area before the gym can redeem us. This optional forest contains a wide variety of useful Bug and Grass type Pokemon, many of which are also duplicates for later areas. The one I get is Beeeeb the Combee, whose evolution Vespiquen isn’t well-regarded in competitive circles due to its awkward stats and awful Bug/Flying type. However in a Nuzlocke, Vespiquen has great stats for how early it evolves, and a respectably wide move-pool including multiple signature moves. Though it might fall off later, with the ability to plan ahead in a single-player game it could put in some real work.
Hypothetically of course, because Combee only evolves if it’s female.
I want to bask in this for a moment and describe how astoundingly, catastrophically bad this Pokemon is. Male Combee has a terrible typing. It only ever learns 4 mediocre moves. It’s unlikely to be a duplicate as it only spawns in two places. Unlike other weak Pokemon, it has no secret powers, abilities, or potential. And it is very weak. If we count it among the list of fully evolved Pokemon, which we should because there is literally no way to ever evolve it, it’s the third weakest out of over 1000 Pokemon, just after one that can almost quadruple its stats and one that’s immune to almost all damage.
I think this might legitimately be the worst thing you could ever catch in a Pokemon Nuzlocke. It’s definitely the worst three things I’ve ever caught in a row.
...anyways time for the gym!
After hours of training and preparation, I’ve carefully crafted an intricate and ingenious plan I like to call “Send Out The Ground Type And Press Buttons”. Shadedahs has now evolved into a Krokorok, and although This Isn’t Even Their Final Form we can make up for that by equipping them with Eviolite, an item that drastically boosts defenses for not-fully-evolved Pokemon. Along with their ability Moxie boosting their attack every time they KO an opponent, they have good odds to succeed. I’ve got back-ups if they fail, and don’t want to risk such a powerful party member, but menacing model Elesa makes Volt Switch her main move, and against non-Ground types that can swap around her team in unexpected ways. Throw in Fire-type coverage that roasts Electric’s only other resistance, Grass, and Shadedahs is simply the safest strat. Besides, it should be fine as long as they don’t get crit multiple times or paralyzed in the first turn.
Our bad luck is immediately counter-balanced as our angry alligator avoids a single turn of being fully paralyzed. Without ever having to bust out back-ups, Shadedahs rocks the runway and carries us off the catwalk with a fourth badge.
Exiting the city we see our rival Hugh facing down the organized Poke-thieves Team Plasma, both of whom have been so “important” to the story so far I’m only introducing them now. After taking out the terrorist trash Hugh reveals his deep backstory. Five years ago his sister’s Pokemon was stolen by Team Plasma, and that’s it, that’s his entire character. Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy having personal stakes that are often lacking from these games’ villainous conflicts. But it’s all a bit...perfunctory here. I’ve spent more lines talking about this backstory than Hugh does, so let’s move on to Driftveil City, around which we can meet more monsters.
Cactus Fracas and Rat’s Revenge
Libbil the Ducklett is the only available encounter on Driftveil Bridge. Its name and design are about as uninspired as Pokemon get, but its Water/Flying typing is fairly useful if I ever bother with it. In Driftveil City we once again have only one option in Zorua, a gift from reformed ex-Plasma members who I don’t get to nickname. As you might guess from context, I never go back and re-name it, so whether the tricky fox is legal or not is moot. West of Driftveil I catch a quick quadruped whose quirk is quarterly coat changes, Fawnwaf the Deerling. A little training later, I’m ready to take on the Texan-type tycoon Clay and his gang of Ground-types.
Though none of his party are pushovers, the star of the show is highly threatening Ground/Steel type Excadrill. Silklis can defeat the others with Grass-type moves, but Steel-type neutralizes Ground’s Grass-type weakness and Silklis’ secondary type Bug is weak to Excadrill’s Rock Slide. Better options are Billib, who evolved into a Golduck just in time to drown the drill, and Sambabmas, whose Grass-type Giga Drain keeps them healed up enough to outpace everything. Ultimately it comes down to who I think would be more useful later, and so it is that Sambabmas was drafted to the front lines. That said, our cheerful cactus shouldn’t have a problem, so long as I don’t get flinched then critically hit one after anoth-
Halfway through our journey, tempting fate finally catches up with us. I can’t say I’d do anything differently, as with a fresh slate Billib swiftly submerges this meddlesome mole and secures our fifth badge. But this bitter bad luck leaves a sour taste to our triumph, and so we salute your spiky service, Sambabmas.
After the battle, Clay conscripts us to join the inaugural iteration of the Pokemon World Tournament. From what I’ve heard, this is a cool post-game series of fights against notable trainers from across the entire series. But for the purposes of this play-through, we only have to do an early bracket of more manageable matches.
At first the tournament worries me because they only allow you to enter a team of three, but there are likewise three reasons my worries disappeared. Firstly, they had the courtesy to lower the contestants levels far below the last gym. Secondly, I had trouble worrying about anything while jamming to the absolute banger of a battle theme I’d never heard before. And thirdly, my Fire/Water/Grass combo from the start of the game covers a wide variety of situations. They really are my old reliable. The Team’s Beating Hearts. The Three Musketeers. The Trusty Triad.
Hang on I wasn’t done. The Terrific Trio. The Best Buds. The Three Amigos.
…
...The Perfectly Precious Poke-Pals. The Fantastically Fabulous Friends. The Tremendous Type Triangle. The Group Of Three Pokemon Black 2 Nuzlocke Encounters Which Are Actually Quite Good Together And It Would Be A Real Shame If Any Of Them Died So It’s A Good Thing They Won’t Do That And All Of Them Will Make It To The End Of This Series Unscathed.
…
…
...The-
Exiting the tournament, we spot a Team Plasma member and chase them to a docked boat. I know from peaking ahead we have a lot of back-to-back Plasma fights. They’re individually not too tough, but a decent variety of different opponents and multiple double battles with NPC partners leaves a lot of room for mistakes. Though it sounds a bit insulting, this is the perfect place for a route-one rodent like Raticate. As fun as their nickname is to say, Bitetib is going to fall off in power as the game goes on. They’re best now in the mid-game, their Normal typing makes them a good generic lead, and if in the chaos they’re KO’d, well...they were the most expendable. But hey, no need to go that far! I figure I’ll switch them out if things get dicey.
I figure that...
And then the first turn of the first fight, they get poisoned.
You may recall the reason we replaced our real route-one rodent Vestsev is because of abilities. Bitetib has the ability Guts, which grants a huge power bonus when stuck with a status condition. Of course the risk to this reward is that if you don’t KO something with your poisoned-powered pummeling, you take damage from poison. It’s time for a test. I think no matter what, one of these combatants is going down.
I think that…
In a furious flurry of fur and fang, our ravenous Raticate rips and tears through the terrorist team in its totality. Out-speeding and one-shotting every single opponent with STAB-boosted, Silk Scarf-boosted, Guts-boosted, max-friendship-boosted Return. Rescued from risk by our resplendent rat, we can progress towards our next badge in Mistralton City. But before that, we can prepare for our sky-high scuffle with Skyla by back-tracking with our new combination of Surf and Fly. Time to bolster the roster once more!
The Pilot Episode
Most of the Unovan waterways we skipped were in areas where we already caught something, so it’s just an exercise in scooping up some rare items. One exception is Vibrank City, whose unplumbed waters reveal Palmlap the Alomomola, a Pokemon whose goofy-ass name and face are their only redeeming qualities. Potentially more exciting is crossing the river to Mistralton Cave, the only place in the game where we have decent odds of a very rare find...Clawalc the Axew. Allow me to explain the reasons this is awesome:
1. Axew is a Dragon-type. This extremely rare type has many resistances and one of its only weaknesses is to itself.
2. There are several important boss fights left with Dragon-types we need a counter for.
3. The only other two Dragon-types in this game are Druddigon, who’s so slow it can’t act a Dragon-type counter, and Hydreigon, who evolves at such a high level we can’t get it before the ending.
4. Axew’s evolution Haxorus is not only fast, but has disgustingly high base Attack stat of 147, roughly equivalent to legendary Pokemon who are actual gods.
5. Haxorus is a contender for my all time favorite Pokemon, because it’s a goddamn armored raptor with an axe-bladed jaw.
Unfortunately, I’ve buried the lede here. Y’see, even though Haxorus is the coolest thing ever, allow me to explain the reasons this encounter is terrible:
1. Rivalry
There is no 2, getting Rivalry is bad enough. One of the worst ever abilities not explicitly meant to weaken, Rivalry increases damage against the same gender by 25%...and reduces damage against the opposite gender by 25%. That’s right, my Axew is a simp trying to prove they’re an alpha. And if that weren’t cringe enough in concept, it also makes them extremely unreliable mechanically. 25% might not seem like a lot, but the bigger your Attack the bigger chunk you lose to Rivalry, and since Dragon-type isn’t super-effective against anything but itself this makes Clawalc miss a ton of KOs it would normally take with raw power. So sadly for the foreseeable future, they’ll have to listen to their sigma male affirmation videos from the bench.
Just a handful of steps away we have Chargestone Cave, where we encounter Robobor the Klink. Though not the Electric-type I was hoping for to sweep the Flying-type gym, these little gears are still a valuable asset. Pure Steel-type is one of the best possible defensively, and though its move-pool is limited it picks up a few Electric-type moves for the aforementioned avians ahead. But before we charge through Chargestone, I decide to dip back out and get some more training in. Since those stadiums in Nimbasa can be regularly rematched and I pop over to partake, but there’s one detail I forgot to mention, because I forgot it myself. The trainers at these stadiums increase in power over time. I had thought this would only first happen after I beat the game. Guess when it happened instead?
And just like that, routine training I wasn’t even going to mention becomes a matter of life or death. This unexpectedly high level Zebstrika is both very fast and scores a critical hit on the first turn, bringing Bitetib to the brink of biting the dust. This would normally be a fine time to switch them out, if not for the one move in the game that punishes this: Pursuit. It deals double damage before a target switches out, and I know from the fight with Elesa that Zebstrika learns the move. My heart sinks as I runs some calculations, because even if I stay in Pursuit deals enough damage to KO.
Is there any chance left to save Bitetib? Could our speed stats be tied and I have a chance to go first? Does the generation 5 battle AI prioritize Pursuit on low HP targets? In the end, I decide based on one AI pattern I know they follow: If the AI sees that it can get a KO with multiple moves, it will select one at random. I know all 4 of Zebstrika’s moves are attacks at least as strong as Pursuit. If it goes first, Bitetib dies. If I switch out, and the AI doesn’t prioritize Pursuit, I have a 75% chance to survive. I attempt to switch out…
...and...
As with Sambabmas, I don’t think there was a better play. Like Sambabmas, the rat was too weak to do much in the late-game. But unlike Sambabmas, I had no reason to come here in the first place, and wouldn’t have if I’d known about the levels rising. What stings most is that just an hour ago was Bitetib’s peak performance, where I was finally getting attached. But that’s the way Nuzlockes are sometimes. You get too comfortable, and before you know it...you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.
Soon after we push on through Chargestone Cave. It’s a lengthy dungeon full of trainers, and I’m still reeling from the ruined rodent, but there shouldn’t be anything in this place to be too worried about.
Fortunately this one isn’t cause to bring out the Pincurchin image again. Krokorok out-speeds Magmar and even if they didn’t, the latter can’t learn Pursuit. We safely make it through the cavern and directly into Mistralton City. We can face the next gym right away, so of course I immediately run in the opposite direction in search of more encounters. First up is Borborb the Tranquill, which is how I feel when someone mentions this terminally boring bird. If nothing else, it evolves soon enough to be a backup on the next gym. On the flipside we have Tallollat the Litwick, who can eventually evolve into a Ghost/Fire-type with the strength of an orbital cannon, but until then is far too slow and squishy to even consider using.
Airplane pilot Skyla might be a little easier than adjacent gen 5 bosses, but that’s a bit like the most huggable Haxorus. Determined to keep my recent losses a fluke, I devise a plan. My bulky Boldore Hexagaxeh is completely unmoved by her Swoobat, so I take the time to set up Stealth Rocks before rocking and rolling by the bat. Both Skyla’s remaining Pokemon, Skarmory and Swanna, have super-effective moves against Hexagaxeh, so they should go in order of appearance. Skarmory comes out and is completely walled by Robobor, now evolved into a Klinklang and Eviolite-clad. This lets me set up with a speed-boosting Autotomize and bolt through the rest with Electric-type moves. I have backups in the wings but no need to wing it, as Skyla’s wings are clipped before her Swanna can even take wing.
Six badges down, two to go. The game is starting to show its teeth and break Bitetib’s, but surely we’re in the home stretch now. I mean of course the game will get a little harder for the last couple gyms, but it can’t be that bad, right? It’s not like I’m forgetting anything that say, happens in 90% of Pokemon games between gym number 7 and 8, right?
Tune in next week for an installment I like to call: Wait, Its Attack Is HOW MUCH?
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