Last time, on the Pincurchin Power Hour: The amount of casualties went up by 2, the amount of badges went up by 3, and the amount of 4-shadowing went up beyond measure. In particular foreshadowing of a forward-facing shadow from the game’s opening. There be plot happenings ‘round these here parts, but not until we deal with the deadly dragon-themed difficulty of gym number seven. Speaking of gym seven, there’s a very subtle detail about the encounters in this section. Observe the table below, and see if your sharp analytical minds can detect this tiny discrepancy…
Please take your time, it’s very hard to spot.
If you’re the type of absolute dweeb to track the amount of new areas/party members across Pokemon games (hi, hello, nice to meet you), you’ll notice that there are less encounters in Black/White 2 than others. Yet over a quarter of all of them are seen right now, between these two gyms. Between a long stretch of adventuring and a plethora of optional areas, we’re presented with an absolute bumper crop of buddies to bulk up our battalion without a boss in sight to cut the numbers down...in theory. And so we begin the leg of our journey I like to call…
The Great Poke-Catch Off
Pokemon Black/White 2 set themselves apart from their prequels here by moving the adventure to the opposite side of the world, in places previously post-credits only. The way we get there is, shocking twist, someone actually doing a job unrelated to Pokemon. Skyla drives us on a cross-Unova flight to the base of Reversal Mountain, where we snag our first new team member Acordroca the Skorupi. Though I like its evolution Drapion, we currently have Smogoms on Poison-type and Shadedahs on Dark, both newly evolved to full power. Just off the base of this mountain is a Strange House whose haunted halls grant us Moodydoom the Gothita. We could’ve gotten something else had we not unintentionally chosen cheerful chinchilla twins, but to balance out that bad luck, Gothita also has the worst possible nature.
Reversal Mountain pushes us to play partner to Bianca in a series of challenging double battles. But fortunately I persevere through a combination of carefully crafted risk-reducing switches and also them kicking the shit out of my partner instead. The cave exits out into the seaside Undella Town, which is notable for three reasons. First, in this last game this is where you get absolutely blind-sided by a sudden difficult fight in the post-game. Second, I’ve always found the music here to be absolutely gorgeous. And third, this is where our catching opportunities really kick off.
In town we catch Driftfird the Frillish, a bulky Water/Ghost type which, if the right spot opens on our team, could see use. Dipping our toes in Undella Bay to the east we find Kitetik the Mantyke, a bulky Water/Flying type which, if the right spot opens on our team...will still never see use. But south of town we win the encounter lottery with Jumpmuj the Mienfoo. Once it evolves into Mienshao, not only is this Fighting-type extremely fast and strong, not only does it match up very well into the final Elite Four boss rush, but it even learns the busted move High Jump Kick. This absurdly strong 130 power attack’s only downsides are the limited Pokemon who learn it and low accuracy, and we have an accuracy-boosting item that can raise it up to 99%! If we can preserve it until the end it could legitimately solo multiple boss fights, and we still have more encounters to find! For example, if we check north of Undella Town we find…
...hm.
Remember how I said that last game, Undella Town was where you got blind-sided by a sudden difficult fight?
Uh oh.
I’ve been looking up major boss fights, but have otherwise been playing blind. So it came as a surprise to me when rival Hugh ambushed me at the town’s north exit. Facing down a quadruple effective Flying-type move, I switch out Silklis for Robobor. The bulky Steel-type not only survives but gets four consecutive stat boosts from spamming Charge Beam. That means when Hugh switches in his starter Samurott, it’s staring down the barrel of a six-times effective attack! Even with Robobor’s lackluster special attack, surely that’ll be enough to-
...miss the KO.
Okay! Not ideal, but this gear’s got gargantuan defenses. They’d only be in danger, if say...Samurott had a super-effective move to retaliate…
...like for example, the Fighting-type move Revenge. Which deals double damage...
...if you’ve been hit with an attack this turn.
In retrospect, this was a mistake on my part. When you’ve got a Pokemon with four attack boosts and a super-effective move, it may feel wrong to retreat and lose those boosts, but I had a safer Grass counter in Silklis. In my defense, I know in some generations Samurott learns the Flying-type Aerial Ace, which would cut through Silklis like, well, grass. But had I looked up this gen or Hugh’s moves I could’ve seen not only Aerial Ace missing, but the 120 base power super-effective move waiting for me. It’s a shame, but what’s done is done, and we’ll just have to move on.
...oh, sorry, I appear to have neglected to post the last screenshot in that sequence.
The one where THEY LIIIIIIVED!
Sweet Arceus above, this Pokemon is built like...well, a huge hunk of steel. With a second chance in hand, I swap to Silklis, who easily shrugs off Revenge and swiftly shreds Samurott with a Leaf Blade. Hugh’s last Pokemon Simisage comes out, to whom Bug/Grass Silklis would normally be a great counter. But I’m playing more cautious after my last mistake, and I know this monkey can know the Flying-type Acrobatics. So even though spoiler, it doesn’t here, I simply switch in Smogoms to secure sickly success with a Sludge Bomb.
We’re rewarded for our efforts with another great encounter to the north, Noodldoon the Tangela. This sneaker-sporting snarl of viridian vines was ultimately underwhelming in its debut generation. But after generation 4 it gained an excellent evolution Tangrowth, whose high stats are only balanced by its poor special defense and speed. We got one with a speed-boosting Timid nature, so with some careful EV training to shore up its weaknesses it could be a real menace.
Speaking of menaces, Team Plasma would like to remind you they’re in this game at the upcoming town of Lacunosa. Combined with an old storyteller, they dump some exposition on us: There’s a legendary, freezing dragon Pokemon, who we later learn is named Kyurem, that landed near here in a meteorite long ago. It seems to be linked to the legendary dragons from Black/White, Zekrom and Reshiram, and Team Plasma is looking for a rare object the next city over that’s also related. The game is being deliberately vague about it now, but this is one of those details that’s slightly spoiled by the fact that the box and title screen clearly show a fusion of Kyurem and Zekrom.
What does the mysterious beast Bigfoot look like? No one knows...but if we DID know he’d look exactly like this so please buy all our Bigfoot merchandise with his precise likeness.
After pummeling Plasma in a double battle we unlock yet more new party members, starting with Thornroht the Roselia. Sadly with the worst possible nature, it’s about fifth in the line of succession for Grass-types. The next area, Village Bridge, has a variety of encounters we won’t be getting yet, because of the best thing we could find: Lapras. A strong, bulky Water/Ice type that learns plenty of coverage moves and is one of the best remaining counters to Dragon types. The next gym is Dragon-type, the final boss is Dragon-type, and the villain team’s ace is Dragon-type, so this is easily the best thing we could get...but it’s a 5% chance to appear only in rare rippling water.
Unfortunately, we’ve already missed multiple opportunities to get duplicate Pokemon that’d make snagging Lapras easier. But we have one more in the next route...where we instead get Inflalfni the Buizel. Its evolution Floatzel isn’t a terrible pickup, being a fast and strong Pokemon who can learn Ice-type moves, but it’s not near as strong as Lapras, and does nothing to help our odds of catching it. Resigned to another Water-type I don’t need, I back-track to Village Bridge and wait for rippling water just to roll the odds anyway. And then…
...we prove that everyone who’s failed to find the Loch Ness monster just needs to roll better.
If I believed in storing luck as a concept, I’d say that this was the cosmic counterbalance to the male Combee incident. Nessissen the Lapras is a genuine stroke of fortune for our future fights, assuming I don’t manage to fumble it. Speaking of fumbling it, the intimidating Dragon-type Drayden is looming just ahead. After the comparatively underwhelming catch of Spotops the Liepard, our Great Poke-Catch Off is finally over. And so we being the next leg of our journey, which I like to call…
The Part Where The Game Gets Hard
Black/White 2 ain’t considered the second-toughest game in the series to Nuzlocke for nothing. Previous bosses and some surprisingly strong normal trainers haven’t been a cakewalk. But Drayden starts a period of the game where we have to spend considerably more time planning to avoid casualties. Though he only has three team members, they’re all strong Dragon-types who are difficult to counter without risking a critical hit KO. Most threatening of all is his ace Haxorus, whose attack stat you may remember me describing as “roughly equivalent to legendary Pokemon who are actual gods”. And unlike the velociredditor we have sitting in our box, this one has Mold Breaker, the good ability.
I’ll spare you the long hours I spent theory-crafting and training everyone up, and just skip to the end result. Nessissen is too slow to out-speed Haxorus, and with its low defense has a tough time living anything on crit or if damaged. So instead I’m going to use it to out-speed and one-shot the first opponent Druddigon, then survive and one-shot Flygon, who it’s quadruple effective against. I had backups in the wings in case of a Rock Slide flinch a la our fallen Sambabmas, but fortunately this part of the plan goes smoothly. All of Haxorus’ damaging moves are resisted by Robobor, so they’re the first line of defense against the destructive dino. But there are a couple problems, namely Dragon Tail and Dragon Dance.
Dragon Tail is Haxorus’ strongest move by default, and has a downside that it always moves last. The upside is that it also switches the target out, so I need every remaining member of the team to be able to contribute. I do this by giving them all either highly damaging moves like Ice Punch on Billib the Golduck, or moves that can lower Haxorus’ speed. This is to cover for the other threatening move, Dragon Dance. It raises Haxorus’ attack and speed when used, and with both high to begin with it could single-handedly sweep my party, ending this entire massive play-through in a matter of seconds.
No pressure.
As I switch to Robobor, Haxorus uses Dragon Dance. It’s time for the second part of my plan: Thunder Wave. Back in this generation of Pokemon, not only is this paralysis-inducing move 100% accurate, but paralysis reduced speed by a whopping 75%. Even though Robobor can win the war of attrition, Haxorus could force them to switch into a slower teammate with Dragon Tail. Then I either have to switch back to Robobor and risk it happening again, or let the newcomer die. Now that Haxorus is paralyzed, the only risk is if it uses Dragon Dance like...4+ times in a row.
You’ll never guess which move Haxorus used 4 times in a row.
After the fourth Dragon Dance, I’m worried. I can’t KO this turn, so to avoid the Dragon Tail problem it’s time to execute phase three of my plan: Hexagaxeh. I’ve taught this Boldore the move Bulldoze, which always lowers speed when it hits. What sets it apart is its ability Sturdy, which prevents it from being KO’d from full HP, no matter how high Haxorus’ attack is. A few turns of Haxorus being fully paralyzed and using healing items perfectly realize this plan. The rampaging raptor now loses a race to anyone on my team. All that’s left is to have it hit Dragon Tail, its strongest move, and we’ll get a free switch into someone else who can finish the job, without needing to sacrifice a single Pokemon!
...right?
I feel like there’s a number here that’s off. Just by 1 though, probably not a big deal.
Hexagaxeh goes down, and the reason is something I actually mentioned a few paragraphs back: This Haxorus has the good ability, Mold Breaker. And what Mold Breaker does...is ignore other abilities like Sturdy.
This is one of those moments where you so immediately realize your mistake you just sit in stunned silence for a minute. I feel like I spent a few hours bragging to everyone about how cool my friend Achilles’ ankles are. Ultimately, this is still a favorable finish. I switch into Billib and breezily beat the blade-boned baddie, and the battle. And being unable to fully evolve, Hexagaxeh was never going to be great going forward. But it still stings to feel the dramatic irony, to know that of every place in the game I could’ve made use of Sturdy, I had to bring it to the one singular opponent who specifically countered it.
“It’ll [Hexagaxeh’s Sturdy] almost certainly be useful somewhere, assuming I don’t make any stupid mistakes.” -Some idiot from part one of this series
After such a harrowing fight, it’ll be nice to chill out and take it easy for a while.
Anyway, we take a few steps and walk into the city being bombed.
I mean, volleys of ice missiles are a TYPE of “chill”...
This is something that Game Freak loves to do. They seem to have a formula for when exactly villains should side-track the plot with an impromptu apocalypse, and it’s so consistent that for half the series it’s literally within minutes of leaving gym number 7. This particular flavor of ragnarok is freezing the city to steal a rare artifact called the DNA splicers. When the legendary dragons from last game split over internal conflict, they left behind an empty body in the form of Kyurem. The DNA splicers allow them to recombine with Kyurem, so it’s very important to keep them safe from these terrorists.
Unfortunately, there is a very subtle flaw in our flawless defenses. You see, after we do all the work to defeat Plasma and clear them out of the city, literally seconds later Drayden...you know, I’m just going to show the screenshots:
“Look, the NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES! They’re RIGHT HERE! I’m so glad that the TERRORISTS who JUST LEFT this PUBLIC STREET didn’t STEAL THEM FROM MY OPEN HANDS!”
It’s pretty obvious what happens next, even if you didn’t know that Team Plasma has literal teleporting ninjas who can appear anywhere and incapacitate anyone as the plot demands. Drayden’s blunder at least grants us a brief reprieve from the villain plot, as chasing down the thieves will take us past the city with the 8th and final gym. Before our match against mellow marine man Marlon, there are a few more encounters to snatch. Between the thoroughly boring Fishsif the Basuclin, the slow and frail Octotco the Remoraid, and the common yet puny Heartreah the Woobat, the only noteworthy thing here is potential duplicates for something actually useful later.
In the midst of all this kidnapping of local wildlife, I take a break and clear out the trainers on the way to the gym leader. Though they’re fairly strong for regular fights, they’re no problem for Noodldoon, newly trained and evolved into a Tangrowth. That is until we see Mantine, a specially bulky Water/Flying type whose counter Robobor was damaged earlier in the fight. So instead I switch to Smogoms, a neutral bulky alternative who should be able to safely whittle down-
Hands up, who was suspicious I was describing a normal fight in so much detail?
Seems like for every loss we have to a heroic last stand against a boss’s ace, we need to have one for a rogue critical hit when we’re not paying enough attention. On one hand, there wasn’t a great alternative to use here, and Smogoms wasn’t quite strong enough to see use in the finale. But on the other, this was avoidable if I played it safer, and it’s a real shame to lose the old gas ball when he’s been around the whole journey.
Determined not to take another casualty, I carefully craft a plan of attack for Marlon. His lead Carracosta can learn the speed-and-attack-boosting Shell Smash and has Sturdy, so I lower his speed with Bulldoze before Noodldoon Giga Drains them dead. From there they deftly drain dry Wailord and start to slurp on ace Jellicent. But since they’re getting worn down by a burn I switch out to Robobor, who also immediately gets burned, then to Silklis, who immediately gets burned. That’s a 30% chance by the way. Thankfully I’ve calculated this all out, so even with all these burns there should be nothing to worry about.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
After that stressful gym, it’d be nice to have some good encounters to cheer us up! Instead we get Egge the Marill and Moonoom the Lunatone. The latter especially stings because it comes from Giant Chasm, our last chance to catch a Dragon-countering Ice-type. It was a 60% chance to get one and I’d be quite frustrated with the result if we didn’t already have Nessissen. Instead I’m only normal frustrated, so I take out that frustration in another off-screen training arc. After which, it’s time to get back to…
The Part Where The Game Has Plot
As we catch up to Team Plasma we also get more plot, and thus more things I want to point and laugh at. First, I want to dissect these breathtakingly stupid lines from Marlon:
“It’s not my style to go around decidin’ Team Plasma’s bad without thinkin’ ‘bout it just ‘cause everyone else says so!
[…]
Listen, ‘K. Believe in somethin’! Searchin’ for stolen Pokemon is fine! Keepin’ Unova from bein’ iced over’s fine too! It’s all good. But think ‘bout why you’re doin’ that.”
It’s a complete throw-away line, but I’m going to nitpick it anyway because it’s my least favorite thing Pokemon does. On one hand, they want to present some friendly, banal platitudes about how everyone has different opinions we should respect. On the other, they combine that with ridiculous super-villains who want to murder everyone for unambiguously selfish reasons. At least in Black/White Team Plasma’s leader was tricking people into thinking they were helping, here they’re just trying to take over the world. But this isn’t the worst example of Pokemon doing this (that’s next game, fuck Team Flare), so let’s move on.
We bulldoze through Plasma grunts in their airship, sometimes literally with Shadedahs' ground-type moves mulching poison-types. Then, the plot-convenience ninjas teleport in, throw us off the ship off-screen, and fly away. We walk over to the Giant Chasm they flew to, right next to where we just were, and immediately get back on the ship.
Seems like we could’ve used either more OR less separation between these segments…
Once again we crush cadres of common cronies without much to commentate. I will say compared to other games, the normal trainers in Black/White 2 are still a reasonable threat. But we’ve assembled such an absolute powerhouse of team members at this point that they just can’t keep up. So we soon sweep through starboard to see the strategist steering this ship is...Colress!
I am very surprised and very gullible, which I assume are unrelated.
Turns out the strange scientist who randomly monologued to strangers about how he wants to find the most powerful Pokemon was not the most moral! He sums up his entire deal himself here:
“What I desire is to bring out the entirety of Pokemon potential! If I can accomplish that, I don’t care what it takes! If that means this strength must be brought out by the interactions of between Pokemon and Trainers, then so be it! If it means you have to use a merciless approach, like Team Plasma’s, and force out all of the Pokemon’s power, then so be it! And yes, if the entire world is destroyed as a result, then so be it…”
Okay, let’s...compliment sandwich this. I do like that this is at least a different flavor of super-villain, a mad scientist with no allegiance to the cause, amoral rather than immoral. But there is one lingering question that comes to mind hearing all this:
...Why?
I get intellectual curiosity! But real-world scientific research almost always comes with a goal in mind, or some aspect of the world we want to know more about. Wanting to see the strongest Pokemon just because is more like you’re...curious what the biggest number is. In and of itself, it’s completely pointless. And that’s a problem when the research risks are less killing time in undergrad and more causing the apocalypse.
It’s frustrating because there are so, so many angles you could take here. You’re reforming an ancient, god-like dragon of legend. Maybe we can replicate its powers to make some marvelous new invention. Maybe it gives us infinite energy, an idea Pokemon would come back to in gen 8 and somehow handle even worse. Maybe we can study its fusion to figure out how to fuse other creatures and evolve humanity. Or it could be something more personal! Maybe this destroys a government that failed him in some way. Maybe this advances some medical tech that could’ve saved a loved one. Maybe he’s been mocked all his life for a theory that this proves correct.
Maybe they could’ve written a motivation that contains actual motivation.
This is around the time I should complete the compliment sandwich. But after Colress is defeated, he just completely exits the main story. So I’m tempted to put in as much effort as the writers did and leave this sandwich open-faced. But I would be remiss if I did not mention: His battle theme absolutely slaps.
Oh, and speaking of battle:
AHHHHHHHHH!
Colress’ team does NOT mess around. His lead Magneton is equipped with Eviolite and the ability Sturdy, making it bulky and literally impossible to one-shot. This is a problem because it can not only dish out decent damage but spread paralysis with Thunder Wave. This makes Electric-immune Shadedahs a decent counter, but wears them down enough that I have to retreat for his Magnezone follow-up. This is when the above screenshot occurs and it goes boom on my starter. Porkrop wasn’t a bad choice, as it lives with just enough HP that a crit wouldn’t have KO’d, but I’ve now significantly damaged both my Steel-type counters on a team of Steel-types.
His only non-Steel type Beheeyem comes out to counter Porkrop, so I swap the swine for Shadedahs and their Psychic-type immunity. But that becomes a problem when up next is Colress’ ace Klinklang. You’d think a fast Ground-type would briskly bury the bag of bolts, but they had the discourtesy to give this thing an Air Balloon item, making it completely immune to Ground moves. What’s worse, this thing gets the absolutely busted setup move Shift Gear, which raises Attack one stage and Speed by two (doubling it), all in one move. In the face of such a colossal threat that could destroy my entire team unchallenged, there’s only one thing I can do:
I need to tickle it.
BEHOLD, the ULTIMATE WEAPON!
Tickle is a rarely learned move that lowers the Attack and Defense of an opponent one stage. You may ask what’s the point, since it’s raising more stats than we’re lowering? Well you fool, you buffoon, you slobbering imbecile, you gibbering moron, you stupid, not smart, poopy doo doo brain dumb dumb...good question! I really appreciate your keen intellectual curiosity, we should hang out more. All the speed in the world doesn’t matter if we can always live one hit and KO in return thanks to lowered defense. So trading boosts back and forth, Noodldoon grapples with the gears until it grinds back with a Giga Impact. Since we had to spend a turn switching in, this extremely high damage move still comes at +1 Attack, so we’d just barely die to a critical hit...which we dodge. We switch on Klinklang’s recharge turn and mop up from there, defeating the boss of Team Plasma.
OR DID WE?!
I mean, yes. That is technically correct.
The best kind of correct.
But it turns out the new leader of Team Plasma is secretly...the old leader of Team Plasma! The megalomaniacal Ghetsis has been the true mastermind all along...again, and it’s finally time for our climactic showdown for the fate of the world!
Next week.
Look, I thought I would wrap up the villain showdown here. But it turns out the further in we get, the more often I almost and/or actually explode, which requires some explanation. To properly pace my prose I pose we postpone our Pokemon pummeling Plasma a little longer.
Oh! This technically means my foreshadowing from last week was misplaced. So before we depart, let’s take a sneak peak at how strong the legendary we’re about to fight is. How much attack could Kyurem Black have? In say, an ordered list of ALL 1025 non-mega Pokemon?
Oh.
...I’m sure we’ll be fine.
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